IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Many processed food and drink
products
 contain high levels of
sugar
, leading to various
health
 issues
such
 as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Some argue that increasing the price of sugary
products
 could reduce their consumption.
However
, I disagree that higher
prices
 alone would effectively address
this
 problem, as it may lead to unintended consequences without guaranteeing improved public
health
.
Firstly
, raising the cost of sugary foods does not tackle the root causes of high
sugar
 consumption. People often choose these
products
due to
 a lack of awareness about healthier options or because
sugar
 is commonly added to a wide range of processed foods, from snacks to sauces. Without proper education and clear
labeling
Change the spelling
labelling
show examples
, consumers might not alter their habits simply because of higher
prices
. Public
health
 campaigns and school programs promoting healthy eating would be more effective in driving long-term change.
Moreover
, increasing
prices
 would disproportionately affect low-income individuals who may already rely on affordable,
sugar
-laden foods. These
products
 are often some of the cheapest options, and raising their costs could deepen financial strain without providing affordable, healthier alternatives.
As a result
,
this
 approach risks widening
health
 inequalities. In conclusion,
while
 higher
prices
 might reduce
sugar
 consumption to some extent, a more comprehensive strategy involving education and affordable healthy options is needed to truly address the
health
 issues caused by excessive
sugar
 intake.
This
 would promote informed choices without unfairly burdening lower-income individuals.
Submitted by nazmulrafi023 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide clear, concrete reasons for your position.
task achievement
Further elaborate on the education campaigns or policies you mentioned. Adding specific examples or details could make your argument more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. It follows a logical structure that makes it easy to understand the writer's viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Main points in the essay are well-supported and clearly convey the rationale behind the disagreement with increasing sugar product prices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: