IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

A few people debate that technological inventions like cellphone are making people socially less interactive. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #debate #inventions #cellphone
Present days some
people
 think that inventions in the sphere of technology like smartphones are making
people
 less communicative. I totally agree with
this
 opinion.
However
, there are a few aspects that we should accept . Nowadays there are several reasons that have a very big influence on socializing ,
such
 as being addicted and having problems interacting. Cellphones make addiction and
then
people
 begin to be less communicative.
For example
, many researches proves that contemporary technologies cause many addicting problems.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 modern phones have more disadvantages in society.
On the other hand
, a lot of
people
 argue that technological inventions make us more sociable, and they have more benefits
such
 as staying in contact with remote relatives or making friends online so they can be more socially interactive. Using a
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
show examples
 conference or calling from an application named imo, makes us to have contact with our families.
For instance
, more than 70 per cent of residents of North America use apps for communicating. In conclusion, we ought to stay in contact with our relatives and friends without using online applications .
Submitted by jasurutamuradov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Development of Ideas
Work on developing your main points more fully. While you presented valid arguments, deeper exploration with more varied examples would strengthen your essay.
Organization
Consider organizing your essay into clearer, more distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with supporting information.
Language Use
Be mindful of repetitive phrases or overly general statements. Aim for specificity and precision in your language for a more compelling argument.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the argument, indicating a clear position on the topic.
Conclusion
You've included a conclusion that attempts to summarize your points and restate your position, which is essential for a coherent essay.
Balanced Argument
You provided a balance by presenting the counter-argument, which is good for a well-rounded discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: