In the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The majority of
men
leaders had ruled in society to
conflicts and violence in the past. The world should led our society by Change preposition
due to
women
in stead
Correct your spelling
instead
for
a good Change preposition
of
gorverned
and more Correct your spelling
government
peaceful
. I agree with Correct pronoun usage
peaceful one
this
sentence and the reason why I agree will be discussed in the following paragraph before the conclusion is reaches
.
Undeniable, the world should Change the verb form
is reached
men
to leaders of the country because men
is
very stronger than Change the verb form
are
women
but some perspctive
of Correct your spelling
perspective
Add an article
the male
a male
male
is not Fix the agreement mistake
males
correclty
throughout Correct your spelling
correctly
for instance
, many male
think that they will be Change to a plural noun
males
Add an article
the leadership
a leadership
leadership
of Replace the word
leaders
family
and Correct article usage
the family
women
have to doing
housework and Change the verb form
do
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
about
supporting a male when they come back home. In Change preposition
for
the
fact, Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
women
should be led instead
of men
because some development
Replace the word
developed
women
may have any opinion better than men
. Although
, in the past the
all Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
men
had led more than women
, it is not necessarily the
Correct your spelling
that
women
will not have
Unnecessary verb
apply
rule
in the future.
Moreover
, many female
should Change to a plural noun
females
be get
a Change the verb form
get
rule
opportunity in the
society for a chance to present ability and change Correct article usage
apply
the
something was conflict. Correct article usage
apply
In addition
, male and female is equality
both think and Replace the word
equal
rule
.
In conclusion, if a women
has Change the noun form
woman
rule
and responsibility in stead
Correct your spelling
instead
men
it may Change preposition
of men
have
Verb problem
be
a
governed and more Correct article usage
apply
peachful
than Correct your spelling
peaceful
the
past.Change preposition
in the
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear standpoint, but it lacks detailed examples and more developed arguments to fully answer the question. Consider including more specific examples and further developing your ideas to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically and clearly. Introduce each main point in its own paragraph, providing a clear topic sentence and supporting it with relevant examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve readability. Using a variety of sentence structures can make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic, which is good for task response.
task achievement
You attempted to use examples to support your points, which helps with task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.