With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #health #care #society #people #numbers

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Today,one of the issues discussed is that advanced medical technology has led to an increase in the number of elderly

people

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

trend can create challenges for both the state and the

population

Use synonyms

, I believe that modern technologies can effectively manage the growing elderly

population

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

with,the rising elderly

population

Use synonyms

cause some difficulties,including

shortage

Correct article usage

a shortage

show examples

of medical workers and

place

Fix the agreement mistake

places

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hospitals for

people

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

,there are few qualified workers in the medical

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

,but the number of elderly

people

Use synonyms

are

Change the verb form

show examples

more.

Therefore

Linking Words

,workers cannot serve

effectivel

Correct your spelling

effectively

effective

,and

also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reduce

Change the verb form

reduces

show examples

the quality of treatment.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, there are other problems for

elderly

Add an article

the elderly

show examples

population

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as accessibility of markets,

shops

Correct word choice

and shops

show examples

, which causes challenges.

On the other hand

Linking Words

Change the capitalization

show examples

think technology

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

improved and helps

people

Use synonyms

in all parts of life and

also

Linking Words

,it

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

life easier for both older and young

people

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, elderly

people

Use synonyms

can connect with medical

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

and doctors from home,and they get

much

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

advice.

Also

Linking Words

, many institutions can examine the health condition of individuals at home 24 hours every,which could ensure the safety of old

people

Use synonyms

who live by themselves. In conclusion,it is true that the number of elderly

people

Use synonyms

are

Change the verb form

show examples

growing increasingly and it has some problematic effects.I believe that modern technologies can help to cope with these problems and to improve health care.

Submitted by Name_1234 on Sat Mar 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Concrete examples can help illustrate your arguments more effectively.

introduction conclusion present

You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly presenting your viewpoint.

complete response

Your essay addresses the topic comprehensively, acknowledging both challenges and solutions related to the aging population.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

211 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this
In our modern life, educating the younger generation is more significant as compared to illustrating maturity.While many people hold the view that the authority ought to expand its resource in educating old people . I vehemently disagree with that position. This essay will discuss the benefits of investing in the education of the younger population and the demerits of prioritising educating adults.
6.5
band
In some countries, older people are encouraged to work longer and avoid retirement. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.
In this contemporary era, Although geriatric persons are working continuously day by day in more companies, it can lead to a harsh impact not only on their social life but also on their health condition. while In a few nations citizens force elderly people to efforts for longer opportunities and restrict retirement.In this essay, I partially disagree with this statement and I would like to explain profoundly in the upcoming paragraphs.
6
band
Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It has been argued that international sports leagues can help cultivate good relationships between participating countries and can also serve as a safer outlet to release patriotic feelings. In my opinion, the given statement has certain limitations. An international tournament cannot be a means to cool down tensions between two countries, although it is suggested that it can be beneficial to some extent in releasing feelings of nationalism.
6.5
band
The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support you position
Emerging technology nowadays in terms of the internet makes a huge impact rather than television for human lives. I agree with this statement because the customization and fast information from the internet are what today's people need.
7
band
Some people think that children should aim to be the best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views on whether or not children should try to be the best in the activities they pursue. In my opinion, while trying to be the first can be important for certain activities, it is not always required in every situation and, in fact, can be detrimental in some cases.

With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Fully explain your ideas

Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this

In some countries, older people are encouraged to work longer and avoid retirement. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.

Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television.​ ​ Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support you position

Some people think that children should aim to be the best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support you position