With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #health #care #society #people #numbers

Today,one of the issues discussed is that advanced medical technology has led to an increase in the number of elderly

people

Although

this

trend can create challenges for both the state and the

population

, I believe that modern technologies can effectively manage the growing elderly

population

To begin

with,the rising elderly

population

cause some difficulties,including

shortage

Correct article usage

a shortage

show examples

of medical workers and

place

Fix the agreement mistake

places

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hospitals for

people

For example

,there are few qualified workers in the medical

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

,but the number of elderly

people

are

Change the verb form

show examples

more.

Therefore

,workers cannot serve

effectivel

Correct your spelling

effectively

effective

,and

also

this

reduce

Change the verb form

reduces

show examples

the quality of treatment.

Furthermore

, there are other problems for

elderly

Add an article

the elderly

show examples

population

such

as accessibility of markets,

shops

Correct word choice

and shops

show examples

, which causes challenges.

On the other hand

Change the capitalization

show examples

think technology

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

improved and helps

people

in all parts of life and

also

,it

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

life easier for both older and young

people

For instance

, elderly

people

can connect with medical

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

and doctors from home,and they get

much

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

advice.

Also

, many institutions can examine the health condition of individuals at home 24 hours every,which could ensure the safety of old

people

who live by themselves. In conclusion,it is true that the number of elderly

people

are

Change the verb form

show examples

growing increasingly and it has some problematic effects.I believe that modern technologies can help to cope with these problems and to improve health care.

Submitted by Name_1234 on Sat Mar 30 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Concrete examples can help illustrate your arguments more effectively.

introduction conclusion present

You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly presenting your viewpoint.

complete response

Your essay addresses the topic comprehensively, acknowledging both challenges and solutions related to the aging population.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

211 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Fully explain your ideas

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

These days consumers are faced with an increasing amount of advertising from various company. To what extent do you think consumers are infuenced by advertising?What measures should be taken to prevent them?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages