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Band 4.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

#people #countries #diseases #curable #medication #drug #companies #products #prices
Due to
 the high
prices
 of drugs, the death rate in third-world countries is high because the underprivileged cannot buy these
medicines
 to treat their issues. I do believe that pharmaceutical
companies
 should reduce their
prices
 of
medicines
 so that poor
people
 can afford them.
Due to
 high inflation and poverty rates in developing and underdeveloped countries,
people
 with low incomes cannot access basic health opportunities. These
medicines
 are so expensive that low-income
people
 can not afford them. In these countries, unemployment is
also
 increasing day by day leading to economic disparity between
people
.
Moreover
, Pharmaceutical
companies
 fixed their
prices
 at high rates making them inaccessible to underprivileged
people
.
For instance
, cancer
treatment
 is so expensive that
people
 die from it without getting
treatment
. To reduce deaths caused by diseases for which
treatment
 is available, I think, drug
companies
 should make cheap
medicines
 that are easily available to everyone. The government should
also
 invest in the health sector, and keep an eye on these
companies
 so that they cannot increase the
prices
 of these
medicines
.
The basic
Correct article usage
Basic
show examples
 drugs should be available to poor
people
 for free. To summarize,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and pharmaceutical
companies
 should provide relief to non-affording
people
 in society so that they can access basic health care to get their
treatment
.
Submitted by khumaira540 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to diversify your sentence structures and use a variety of complex sentence forms to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your paragraphs further by adding counterarguments or exploring the implications of your proposals. This depth can enrich your discussion and showcase critical thinking.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the prompt by arguing that drug companies should lower their prices for poorer countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintained a clear structure throughout your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
You clearly expressed your viewpoints and supported them with relevant examples, though more specificity could strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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