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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in an European country bbetween 1979 and 2004

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in an European country bbetween 1979 and 2004
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The line graph provides data about
consumption
Add an article
the consumption
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 of Fish,
Chicken
Use synonyms
,
Beef
Use synonyms
, Lamb and
Chicken
Use synonyms
, in European
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 from 1979 to 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the red meat
consuming
Verb problem
apply
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was decreased throughout the years, the
Beef
Use synonyms
 fluctuated
then
Linking Words
, severe decline over the period,
while
Linking Words
 eating
Chicken
Use synonyms
 showed a significant increase
tread
Correct your spelling
trend
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 over all other lines,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to fish which shows no change and steady
grow
Replace the word
growth
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. In detail, around 150 grams of
Chicken
Use synonyms
 meat was guzzled in 1979,
then
Linking Words
 a significant increase until it
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 300
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the period,
this
Linking Words
 trend
surpass
Wrong verb form
surpassed
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 all other meats.
However
Linking Words
, the Fish line
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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steadily declined from 1979 to 2004, which was the lowest in the rank. Moving to
eating
Change the verb form
eat
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Beef
Use synonyms
 and Lamb in 1979 the lines were topmost 230g and 150g respectively,
thereafter
Linking Words
 the
Beef
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 line experienced
sudden
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a sudden
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 drop,
while
Linking Words
 in 1984 a rapid surge was shown followed by
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
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 decrease until it
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 120g.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chicken, beef with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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