The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

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The bar charts illustrate the changes in the proportion of obesity among male and female teenagers by ethnicity in the USA from 2004 to 2014.

Overall

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, what stands out from the diagram is that the figure for

non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

Black girls had the highest share in both two years, whilst that for Hispanic boys ranked first. Regarding the first graph, it is apparent that all ethnic groups witnessed growth. In 2004, the figure for all male adolescents stood at a little less than 15%.

While

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obesity rates for

non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

whites saw an increase of 5%, and

non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

blacks nearly doubled, that for Hispanics rose remarkably to over a quarter.

According to

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the second one,

it is clear that

Linking Words

whereas

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obese

Non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

Black female teenagers had the most significant percentage in the first year, towards the end of the period it increased twofold from 16% to 29%.

Besides

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, the figure for

non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

whites and Hispanics followed similar patterns, as both of them experienced a rise of 5%.

Submitted by writingbhos on Sat Mar 30 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words non-hispanic with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

165 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prevalence
obesity
ethnic groups
trend
gender differences
public health
interventions
demographic
disparities
insight
analysis
comparison
proportion
fluctuation
longitudinal study

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The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industries and construction. what measure can be taken to prevent it.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages ?

In many countries, traditional customs are being lost. Why would this happen? What do you think school and parent should do to keep these custom alive?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, howeve, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion