Every year government and individuals spent money on New Year and religious celebration (Agree or disagree).

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This
Correct determiner usage
These
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days
government
Correct article usage
the government
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and individuals to new
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religious
reilgious
Correct word choice
and reilgious
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So, some
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people
pepole
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people
think that money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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to
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on
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another things
Replace the adjective
another thing
other things
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like
envimernt
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sentiment
while
others believe that
religious
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religion
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is something very important
This
essay
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will
wil
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will
discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion ,
In
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On
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one hand ______________________________ For
exmaple
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example
____________________________ In other hand ____________________________________________
Submitted by naifhlwani4 on

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task achievement
Try to complete your essay by fully developing both sides of the argument and providing specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs for each side of the argument, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly using cohesive devices such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transition words.
task achievement
For a higher score, ensure your essay directly addresses the task question throughout and concludes with a clear personal opinion.
task achievement
You have outlined both sides of the argument, which is a good start for developing a balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
Starting an essay by acknowledging different perspectives is a positive approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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