IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Every year government and individuals spent money on New Year and religious celebration (Agree or disagree).

#year #government #individuals #money #celebration
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 days
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and individuals to new
Correct your spelling
religious
reilgious
Correct word choice
and reilgious
show examples
 So, some
Correct your spelling
people
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 think that money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
another things
Replace the adjective
another thing
other things
show examples
 like
envimernt
Correct your spelling
sentiment
while
 others believe that
religious
Replace the word
religion
show examples
 is something very important
This
 essay
Correct your spelling
will
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion ,
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand ______________________________ For
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
 ____________________________ In other hand ____________________________________________
Submitted by naifhlwani4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to complete your essay by fully developing both sides of the argument and providing specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs for each side of the argument, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly using cohesive devices such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transition words.
task achievement
For a higher score, ensure your essay directly addresses the task question throughout and concludes with a clear personal opinion.
task achievement
You have outlined both sides of the argument, which is a good start for developing a balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
Starting an essay by acknowledging different perspectives is a positive approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: