Many people today are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from University in their home country. why is this ?do the advantages is turned outweight the disadvantages.

#people #work #country #university #home #outweight

In contemporary times, numerous fresh graduates are deciding to move abroad

due to

employment opportunities. I firmly believe

this

phenomenon provides the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

This

essay will try to examine the causes and the positive effects of

this

situation.

To begin

with, everyone has a right to obtain a good future in their lives. Indeed, many many young adults believe another country will be offered good job prospects. The primary reason for

this

issue is they perceive that advanced

countries

will offer career possibilities as they expected.

For instance

, as I observed in Indonesia, which is a developing country, there is a large number of

jobseekers

Correct your spelling

job seekers

show examples

from top campuses

such

as Indonesia University or Bandung Technology Institute who decided to apply for jobs in wealthier

countries

due to

job prospects, get experience and hope to have a high salary.

Additionally

although

it might make them far away from their families or will make poorer

country have

Wrong verb form

countries

show examples

lack potential professional workers, it brings enormous benefits to their lives.

Firstly

Correct article usage

the

show examples

potential to expand their knowledge and get more

experiences

Fix the agreement mistake

experience

show examples

Secondly

, having a potentially bright future and high incomes,

therefore

, they can feel safe in saving money.

Finally

, rich

countries’

Correct your spelling

countries

show examples

people are more open-minded, and they think their efforts will be more honoured rather than in their

countries

To sum up

, advanced

countries

offer more career possibilities in comparison to developing

countries

and individual has the right to choose the best job for their selves. It

also

will provide more excellent experience and life stability.

Thus

, I firmly believe it gives more advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by innezgracias on Sun Mar 31 2024

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example

Work on incorporating more specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments.

introduction/conclusion

Try to develop a clearer and more comprehensive introduction and conclusion, ensuring they strongly reflect the essay's main arguments and findings.

sentence variety/linking

Consider varying your sentence structures and using more linking words to improve the flow of your essay.

task response

Your essay effectively addresses the topic, showing a clear understanding of the task at hand.

organization

Good job on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.

idea development

You've presented several compelling reasons and benefits related to the topic, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people today are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from University in their home country. why is this ?do the advantages is turned outweight the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Although many people value public parks, some argue that this space could be better used for housing or businesses to support the growing population and economy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The plans below show the layout of a university's sports centre now , and how it will look after redevelopment .

In some cities, government has tried to tax the owners of the vehicles, for example to reduce the traffic congestion. Do you think it is a positive or a negative impact?

Some say the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. Others say that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is more useful for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion