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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that academic subjects such as chemistry, physics, and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #subjects #chemistry #physics #history #schools #students #benefit #motor #mechanics
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Some
people
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 think that
student
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students
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 should learn academic
subjects
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 in
the
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apply
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school but others believe that practical
subjects
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 bring more benefits
ot
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to
students
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of
argument
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the argument
an argument
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, followed by my own perspective of
this
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 concern.
People
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 who consider learning traditional
subjects
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,
such
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 as chemistry, math and politics, may put forth the following arguments. These
subjects
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 are
compulsary
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compulsory
 courses
of
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for
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 the entry-university exam. If schools can provide these
subjects
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,
students
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 can understand better about the knowledge
due to
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 the interactions with
teacher
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teachers
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 in an interesting way, allowing them to have a deep impression
on
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of
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 what they learn, thereby enhancing learning efficiency.
Also
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, when
students
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 tend to learn efficiently, they may get better scores and have more opportunities to go to their desired high schools or universities.
However
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, those
people
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 who believe
having
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in having
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 to study practical
subjects
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also
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 can justify their opinions. Compared to
the
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apply
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academic
subjects
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, learning practical
subjects
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 has less studying pressure for
students
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, allowing them to feel more relaxed. If
students
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 can learn practical
subjects
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, they are more likely to link irrelevant contents together, helping them consider problems in an
orginal
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original
 way and think outside the box, which may lead to breakthrough innovations. These innovations enable
students
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 to become more competitive and stand out
of
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in
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 the school or future working environments, achieving excellent performance. In my opinion, I believe that
school
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schools
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 should not only provide academic
subjects
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 but
also
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 practical
subjects
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 because young
people
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 can derive more benefits from the learning process,
for example
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, becoming more competitive in their future
exam
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exams
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 or job-hunting markets.
Submitted by yyyuanc on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points, this will increase the effectiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
You have presented a well-balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to keep your essay structured and focused.
task achievement
Your main points are supported and explained, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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