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Band 5.5

Some people believe that academic subjects such as chemistry, physics, and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #subjects #chemistry #physics #history #schools #students #benefit #motor #mechanics
Some
people
 think that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should learn academic
subjects
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school but others believe that practical
subjects
 bring more benefits
ot
Correct your spelling
to
students
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of
argument
Add an article
the argument
an argument
show examples
, followed by my own perspective of
this
 concern.
People
 who consider learning traditional
subjects
,
such
 as chemistry, math and politics, may put forth the following arguments. These
subjects
 are
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 courses
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the entry-university exam. If schools can provide these
subjects
,
students
 can understand better about the knowledge
due to
 the interactions with
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in an interesting way, allowing them to have a deep impression
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what they learn, thereby enhancing learning efficiency.
Also
, when
students
 tend to learn efficiently, they may get better scores and have more opportunities to go to their desired high schools or universities.
However
, those
people
 who believe
having
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in having
show examples
 to study practical
subjects
also
 can justify their opinions. Compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
subjects
, learning practical
subjects
 has less studying pressure for
students
, allowing them to feel more relaxed. If
students
 can learn practical
subjects
, they are more likely to link irrelevant contents together, helping them consider problems in an
orginal
Correct your spelling
original
 way and think outside the box, which may lead to breakthrough innovations. These innovations enable
students
 to become more competitive and stand out
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the school or future working environments, achieving excellent performance. In my opinion, I believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should not only provide academic
subjects
 but
also
 practical
subjects
 because young
people
 can derive more benefits from the learning process,
for example
, becoming more competitive in their future
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
 or job-hunting markets.
Submitted by yyyuanc on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points, this will increase the effectiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
You have presented a well-balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to keep your essay structured and focused.
task achievement
Your main points are supported and explained, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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