IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#summarise #information #features #comparisons
The maps highlight data about the changes in Happy Valley Shopping
Center
 in two separate years (1982 and 2012).
Overall
, it is clearly seen that a great deal of development and renovation was taken
place
 at
this
center
Change the spelling
centre
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, including getting a parking lot and places for eating. Looking into detail, in 1982 there was a lake in the west of the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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,
whereas
 it had changed location to
a
Remove the article
apply
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furniture retail which used to be in the east of the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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. A lobby area
also
 was replaced its
place
 with an entrance to the shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
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. As for
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 east side of
center
Correct article usage
the center
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, there were three divided places, including sports, electronic and furniture stores. The electronic and sports stores were replaced their places to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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. The food store was transformed
its
Change preposition
from its
show examples
place
 to the
south-east
Correct your spelling
southeast
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 of the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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. Another striking change is that a parking lot was introduced to a narrow road’s destination. Regarding
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 entertainment area, toilets, and trees, they were maintained
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same
place
.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure clarity when transitioning between different time periods or locations within the text. It will help in maintaining a smooth flow of information.
task achievement
Use more precise language and check for minor grammatical errors for an even clearer representation of the changes at the shopping center.
task achievement
Consider including a brief conclusion to summarise the main changes. This enhances the overall structure of the report.
task achievement
You've done an excellent job of highlighting the major changes in the shopping center between the two years. Your content is rich with detail, which helps in understanding the evolution of the site.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of comparative sentences to show the transformation of different parts of the shopping center from 1982 to 2012 enhances clarity and provides a solid basis for comparison.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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