for schoolchildren , their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents . to what extent do you agree or disagree.

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As for the students, it is said that their teachers
have
Verb problem
are

There may be a verb use issue here.

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more dominant
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their brilliant and social expansion than their
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in my own
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in my own opinion. Consider adding a comma.

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i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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would say
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have more power because
schoolars
Correct your spelling
schoolers

If you don’t want schoolars to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

turns
Correct subject-verb agreement
turn

It seems that the verb turns does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to spend most of their time with their take careers and as for
been
Wrong verb form
being

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb been. Consider changing it.

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clever it is mostly accounted as heredity from family members.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will elaborate
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. Schoolchildren
spent
Wrong verb form
spend

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spent. Consider changing it.

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probably half of the day with their
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

learning new
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

doing some homework, watching cartoons ,
taking
Correct word choice
and taking

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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pictures
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it is not fair to say teachers have more influence
to
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the students
nonetheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they do have little impact during school lessons as some of the learners turns out to be committed to their leaders. brilliant is passed from one family member to another thereby it is genetically received,
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

from father to
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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son it is most unlikely to say pupils
got
Wrong verb form
get

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb got. Consider changing it.

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intelligents
Correct your spelling
intelligence

If you don’t want intelligents to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

from the teacher .
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the lecturer can contribute less
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
social spread if the module requires to use
technology
Change preposition
of technology

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

laptops.
inconclussion
Correct your spelling
in conclusion
conclusion

If you don’t want inconclussion to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have
enormous
Add an article
an enormous

The noun phrase enormous impact seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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impact
regarding
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence

The word intelligent doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and social spread
on
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their kids since they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spent. Consider changing it.

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most of the day together and it is heredity than the teachers.

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structure
Consider structuring your essay more distinctly with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, as well as well-developed body paragraphs.
content
Enhance your argument by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and readability.
vocabulary
Make sure your vocabulary accurately conveys your message. Some words were misused, affecting the understanding of your argument.
relevance
Your essay stays on topic and attempts to address the prompt throughout.
engagement
You show a willingness to engage with a complex issue and provide a personal opinion, which is good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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