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Band 2.5

for schoolchildren , their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents . to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#schoolchildren #teachers #influence #intelligence #development #parents
As for the students, it is said that their teachers
have
Verb problem
are
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 more dominant
on
Change preposition
in
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 their brilliant and social expansion than their
parents
 .
However
, in my own
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would say
parents
 have more power because
schoolars
Correct your spelling
schoolers
turns
Correct subject-verb agreement
turn
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 to spend most of their time with their take careers and as for
been
Wrong verb form
being
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 clever it is mostly accounted as heredity from family members.
This
 essay will elaborate
further
. Schoolchildren
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 probably half of the day with their
parents
 learning new
this
for example
 doing some homework, watching cartoons ,
taking
Correct word choice
and taking
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 pictures
therefore
 it is not fair to say teachers have more influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the students
nonetheless
 , they do have little impact during school lessons as some of the learners turns out to be committed to their leaders. brilliant is passed from one family member to another thereby it is genetically received,
for example
 from father to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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son it is most unlikely to say pupils
got
Wrong verb form
get
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intelligents
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 from the teacher .
although
, the lecturer can contribute less
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social spread if the module requires to use
technology
Change preposition
of technology
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for example
 laptops.
inconclussion
Correct your spelling
in conclusion
conclusion
,
parents
 have
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
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 impact
regarding
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
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 and social spread
on
Change preposition
of
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 their kids since they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of the day together and it is heredity than the teachers.
Submitted by teterayithelma on

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structure
Consider structuring your essay more distinctly with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, as well as well-developed body paragraphs.
content
Enhance your argument by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and readability.
vocabulary
Make sure your vocabulary accurately conveys your message. Some words were misused, affecting the understanding of your argument.
relevance
Your essay stays on topic and attempts to address the prompt throughout.
engagement
You show a willingness to engage with a complex issue and provide a personal opinion, which is good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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