IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line chart describes the different
Use synonyms
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
show examples
 of household
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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done with various electrical tools in a year between 1920-2019. It is obvious that the
usage
Use synonyms
 of washing
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machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
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refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
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cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 in
households
Use synonyms
 all saw a noticeable
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 throughout the year. Looking into more details, in 1920,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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households
Use synonyms
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
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by washing
machine
Use synonyms
 took the first place of these three
electical
Correct your spelling
electrical
 appliances with 40
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 of
households
Use synonyms
, followed by 30% of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the refrigerator
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refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 and none of
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vacuum
Add an article
the vacuum
show examples
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2019, all families use both
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 for
households
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
, only around 73% of families still use washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 to do housework. It is noticeable that, in 1920-1960, all three types of electrical appliances saw a
rapidly
Change the adverb
rapid
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 boost during the year, especially the
proportion
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 of families using
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaning,
raised
Verb problem
which increased
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 from 0 to 90% in 1960. The
proportion
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 of the
usage
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 of it
were
Change the verb form
was
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 still growing between 1960-1980.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
also
Linking Words
 increased.
However
Linking Words
, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 slightly declined from 70% to 65%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 remained stable at 100%
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 to 2019, when the
proportion
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 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
finally
Linking Words
 met and remained at 100% after a gentle increase
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 to 2000. At the same time, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
machine
Use synonyms
 slightly bounced back.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, usage, machine, refrigerator, vacuum, households with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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