Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In modern times, It is probably true that
Use synonyms
competion
is inevitable progress in Correct your spelling
competition
the
education. Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
Competion
gives the best outcomes, but sometimes shows the worst results. In Correct your spelling
Competition
this
essay, Linking Words
i
will examine Change the capitalization
I
Linking Words
this
trend brings about both benefits and drawbacks.
One of the main advantages Rephrase
how this
for
trying to be better than compansions is assistance to Change preposition
of
develop
society and Wrong verb form
developing
personal
. Replace the word
personnel
That is
to say, The more competitive they are and the more they want to do well, the better their skills will improve. Linking Words
For example
, in high Linking Words
schoo
in South Korea, students are graded on Correct your spelling
school
scale
Add an article
the scale
a scale
about
their Change preposition
of
study
, owing to Fix the agreement mistake
studies
this
, Linking Words
childerns
always compare their scale to peers and have Correct your spelling
children
desire
to grow than before. Correct article usage
a desire
For
Linking Words
this
reason, they try to study harder.
Linking Words
However
, if everyone in society were eager to beat someone Linking Words
than
collaboration, I believe it would have a harmful effect on both individuals and the nation. If they learn only Correct your spelling
then
Use synonyms
competion
throughout the entire study period, it means they don't learn how to interact, care, and cooperate with others, and it will have a negative impact on their social life as Correct your spelling
competition
an
Correct article usage
apply
adult
. In Fix the agreement mistake
adults
additon
Correct your spelling
addition
to
, they feel blue or Change preposition
apply
low
self-esteem easily because of comparing to peers. Add a missing verb
have low
For instance
, young people feel like they are not good enough because they are always focusing on what Linking Words
other
are doing better.
In conclusion, it is certain people benefit from Fix the agreement mistake
others
competiting
Correct your spelling
competing
to
others. Change preposition
with
Neverthelss
, from my perspective, the negative consequences are too significant to disregard. Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
Thus
, it would be a good idea for the school to teach both Linking Words
Use synonyms
competion
and cooperation so that everyone could learn more balanced thoughts in life.Correct your spelling
competition
Submitted by dlwltn6615 on
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introduction
Provide a clearer introduction that includes a thesis statement directly addressing the advantages and disadvantages of the competition.
vocabulary and grammar
Enhance your argument with more varied vocabulary and accurate grammar to improve clarity and reader engagement.
proofreading
Remember to proofread your essay for minor typographical and grammatical errors.
argument balance
Try to provide balanced examples for both views before reaching a conclusion that directly answers the question posed.
paragraph organization
Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly with topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph.
balanced argument
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced argumentative essay.
supporting examples
You provided relevant examples, such as the educational system in South Korea, to support your arguments, which helps illustrate your points clearly to the reader.