Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In modern times, It is probably true that

Use synonyms

competion

Correct your spelling

competition

is inevitable progress in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education.

Use synonyms

Competion

Correct your spelling

Competition

gives the best outcomes, but sometimes shows the worst results. In

this

Linking Words

essay,

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will examine

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this

Rephrase

how this

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trend brings about both benefits and drawbacks. One of the main advantages

for

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show examples

trying to be better than compansions is assistance to

develop

Wrong verb form

developing

show examples

society and

personal

Replace the word

personnel

show examples

That is

Linking Words

to say, The more competitive they are and the more they want to do well, the better their skills will improve.

For example

Linking Words

, in high

schoo

Correct your spelling

school

in South Korea, students are graded on

scale

Add an article

the scale

a scale

show examples

about

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show examples

their

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

, owing to

this

Linking Words

childerns

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children

always compare their scale to peers and have

desire

Correct article usage

a desire

show examples

to grow than before.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, they try to study harder.

However

Linking Words

, if everyone in society were eager to beat someone

than

Correct your spelling

then

show examples

collaboration, I believe it would have a harmful effect on both individuals and the nation. If they learn only

Use synonyms

competion

Correct your spelling

competition

throughout the entire study period, it means they don't learn how to interact, care, and cooperate with others, and it will have a negative impact on their social life as

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apply

show examples

adult

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adults

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. In

additon

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addition

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apply

show examples

, they feel blue or

low

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have low

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self-esteem easily because of comparing to peers.

For instance

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, young people feel like they are not good enough because they are always focusing on what

other

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others

show examples

are doing better. In conclusion, it is certain people benefit from

competiting

Correct your spelling

competing

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with

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others.

Neverthelss

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Nevertheless

, from my perspective, the negative consequences are too significant to disregard.

Thus

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, it would be a good idea for the school to teach both

Use synonyms

competion

Correct your spelling

competition

and cooperation so that everyone could learn more balanced thoughts in life.

dlwltn6615Sun Mar 31 2024

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introduction

Provide a clearer introduction that includes a thesis statement directly addressing the advantages and disadvantages of the competition.

vocabulary and grammar

Enhance your argument with more varied vocabulary and accurate grammar to improve clarity and reader engagement.

proofreading

Remember to proofread your essay for minor typographical and grammatical errors.

argument balance

Try to provide balanced examples for both views before reaching a conclusion that directly answers the question posed.

paragraph organization

Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly with topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph.

balanced argument

You effectively discussed both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced argumentative essay.

supporting examples

You provided relevant examples, such as the educational system in South Korea, to support your arguments, which helps illustrate your points clearly to the reader.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Instilling
Competitive spirit
Self-improvement
Personal excellence
Excessive competition
Stress
Anxiety
Win-at-all-costs mentality
Interpersonal relationships
Collaboration skills
Teamwork
Mutual success
Wider community
Educational settings
Social development
Groundbreaking achievements
Collective effort

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Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

A friend from abroad is visiting your country next month. She is planning to stay with you, but you can't accomodate her. Write a letter to her - tell her the reasons - Apologise - Make alternative arrangements

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits

does being famous are more advantages or more disadvantages

B.Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?