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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below show the changes of electrical appliance and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019 .

The chart below show the changes of electrical appliance and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019 .
#show #changes #appliance #amount #time #housework #households #country
The line graph illustrates the changes in ownership of electrical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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time
Change preposition
of time
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 spent doing housework in households in
one
 country between 1920 and 2019.
Overall
,
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the proportion of housework with electrical items
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been experienced
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
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 surpassing process in
this
 chart.
Notably
Add a comma
Notably,
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 the using of home appliance
measurement
Fix the agreement mistake
measurements
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 by
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 and
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 a significant increase
than
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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. On the
one
 hand , in 1920 and 1940 the
using
Replace the word
use
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 of
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 and
vacuum
 cleaner people in
one
 country's percentage changed from 40% and 30% to 60% and 50% , the none percentages of
Add an article
the refrigerator
a refrigerator
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refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 in 1920 after 20
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 has been dramatically increased and displayed
average
Correct article usage
an average
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 55%.In 1960 and 1980 the
fridge
Correct quantifier usage
number of fridge
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 users proportion reached
from
Change preposition
apply
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90% to 100 % and the
vacuum
Correct quantifier usage
number of vacuum
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 cleaner users from 70% to 80% . After , 20
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 these 2 electronic
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
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 has
reaches
Change the verb form
reached
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full
Add an article
the full
a full
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 point of
using
Replace the word
use
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 among the people in
one
 country.The pattern of
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 show
an unnoticeable changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
unnoticeable changes
an unnoticeable change
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 by decreasing 65% in 1980 and
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 almost
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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75% in 2019.
On the other hand
 , the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of hours
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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housework in 1920
displayed
Verb problem
was
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 50
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
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 and
1960
Change preposition
in 1960
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this
 figure gradually declined to 20
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
. The declining process continued by
step
Wrong verb form
stepping
show examples
 down to 15 in 2000 and 10 hour 2019.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words one, vacuum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "displayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • reduction
  • technological advancements
  • manual labor
  • household tasks
  • social and economic impacts
  • gender roles
  • participation
  • leisure time
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