In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Living
Add an article
The living
style
of today's generation has altered Correct your spelling
lifestyle
due to
the rise of competition in further
education after finishing school as they initiate spending their life own or staying with their age groups leaving their parents
behind. I believe separation promotes independence, self-reliance as well as
personal development and I discuss this
in the upcoming paragraphs paragraphs
.
Remove the redundancy
apply
To begin
with, living away from family trains people
how to live their own life. In other words
, young
generation must learn how to manage everything Correct article usage
the young
such
as financial expense
, bills, fees , grocery Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
budget
and so on which would be beneficial for their successful future. Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
For example
, an International servay
has shown that 80% of students migrate for their higher study in different countries and they are brilliant in management rather than others who are living with their Correct your spelling
service
parents
with no responsibility,consequently
, they are at higher risk of failure in their career than those who are experienced in management in their early twenties.
Secondly
, parents
who agree with their children to shift themselves somewhere else are those who want their children's personal growth as if they independently connected with other people
without their parents
support Change noun form
parent's
parents'
become
more successful in their work career. Add the particle
to become
For instance
, interacting with more and more outside people
who are successful in their life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
assist
children to follow their path and socially become Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
sharp minded
and connect with Add a hyphen
sharp-minded
modern
world, Add an article
the modern
as a result
, they live up-to-date by joining brilliant people
.
In conclusion, living outside from
home not only Change preposition
of
sharp
youngster's mind but Correct your spelling
sharpens
also
provide
them more confidence to interact with prestigious Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
people
who guide them how
to be successful Change preposition
on how
as well as
aware them regarding
upcoming technology.Change preposition
of
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Structure
Make sure your essay is clearly structured, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure was present, but some areas lacked clear transition statements.
Specific Examples
Integrate more specific examples or data to support your arguments. An 'International survey' was mentioned but adding more concrete details or statistics can enhance the effectiveness of your examples.
Introduction Clarity
Work on making your point of view clearer and more explicit in the introduction. This sets the tone for your argument and gives the reader a clear understanding of your stance from the beginning.
Grammar and Spelling
Review and check your work for minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance readability.
Argument Development
You effectively discussed the benefits of young people living on their own, tying this back to personal development and success.
Logical Flow
Your essay contained a logical flow of ideas, which made your arguments easy to follow.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion were both present and linked to your argument effectively, framing your discussion well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.