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Band 4.5

Many people today are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from University in their home country. why is this ?do the advantages is turned outweight the disadvantages.

#people #work #country #university #home #outweight
In recent years most graduates turned to go and work out of their motherland
due to
 various reasons
such
 as lack of jobs in their country ,
unsatisfactory
Correct word choice
and unsatisfactory
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
salaries .
However
 , these reasons may leave the state with
brain
Correct article usage
a brain
show examples
 shortage . In my own opinion advantages of leaving the
national
Replace the word
nation
show examples
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
This
 essay will discuss
further
 the merits. On the
one
 hand ,
firstly
, it is unfair to go and work outside of the country because
this
 will leave the state with
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of brainstorm since most of the individuals with degrees migrate to other nations,
for example
 for the past few years in
Zimbambwe
Correct your spelling
Zimbabwe
, nurses were migrating to England in search of greener pastures thereby, causing lack of
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 workers for the specific job .
Nonetheless
, the vice President had to put a restriction order for nurses to block them from leaving the country.
Secondly
 , it is
unacepptable
Correct your spelling
unacceptable
 to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government resources
such
Change preposition
as
show examples
educational
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
for
one
 to use them in another state.
On the other hand
 , unemployment is the major
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 why people migrate .
One
 needs to support their families
for example
 they need fees, to pay bills and food .
Therefore
, they just can not keep their degrees without using it .
to sum up
 in 2008 in Mozambique people had to
evacute
Correct your spelling
evacuate
 to
south
Capitalize word
South
show examples
 Africa for them to earn a living.Moreso, unsatisfactory pay is
also
 the other impact which is leading people to go to other governments
for example
 if the individual ;
s
Correct your spelling
's
currrency
Correct your spelling
currency
 had no power , there will be
infalation
Correct your spelling
inflation
 thereby
one
 will look somewhere else to receive
Add an article
a
show examples
salary that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 value. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
 turn to migrate after graduation in search of jobs and satisfactory
pays
Fix the agreement mistake
pay
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since their motherland may have a high rate
ofunemployment
Correct your spelling
of unemployment
thereby, the benefits of migrating
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages. In my own
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is better to migrate
Submitted by teterayithelma on

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Structure & Flow
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Using cohesive devices like linking words appropriately can also help with the flow of your essay.
Content & Examples
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. This not only makes your essay more convincing but also more engaging to the reader. Try to integrate these examples naturally within your discussion.
Grammar & Spelling
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and typos. Minor inaccuracies can distract from your argument and make your essay less clear.
Balanced Discussion
You effectively discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a balanced view.
Clear Position
Your position is clear throughout the essay, contributing to a coherent argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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