IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.
#sales #five #phone #brands #report #university #lecturer #information
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph indicates International sales from the top five smartphone brands around the world from 2009 until 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, each of the
brand
Change to a plural noun
brands
show examples
 showed a continuous inclined or declined growth
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each year.
For instance
Linking Words
, the number of sold units on
Samsung
Use synonyms
, Apple, and ZTE brands kept on getting up.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for Nokia and LG they decrease from time to time. For
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 that experienced inclination, in 2009,
Samsung
Use synonyms
 was
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest at 250
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
units sold and the lowest was Apple at 20
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
products.
Samsung
Use synonyms
 kept on leading for the most stable growth of
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 purchased products until the year 2013.
Additionally
Linking Words
, ZTE had its unsignificant growth, when compared
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
Samsung
Use synonyms
 and Apple.
Smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
show examples
 which experienced
stable
Add an article
a stable
show examples
 decrease,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest in 2013 by LG at 70
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 units and the climax point with Nokia at 430
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 products. Nokia
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 dip from 2011 to 2013, in which the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people buying its goods
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped from 410
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to 250
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Submitted by Raffi Feizal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words samsung, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: