Some people think that success is mainly measured by how much money a person has. To what extent do you agree?

In
this
economic society,
money
is vital for everyone’s daily
life
.
Although
being rich is usually considered
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apply
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as
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apply
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a symbol of
success
, I will argue that having
money
is not the main way to measure
success
.
Firstly
,
relationships
have a significant impact on achieving
success
. The majority of
people
need solid and committed
relationships
,
such
as family and friends.
For instance
, some
businesss
Correct your spelling
business
persons who are rich would suffer from loneliness if they do not have anyone to share their wealth
.
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with.
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As a result
, their achievements in business cannot be regarded
and
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as
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success
without companions.
Moreover
, having good health is another aspect of
success
. Even though some
people
, who are able to earn a large amount of
money
, can accept the most advanced treatment,
it
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they
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can
also
become helpless when facing
the
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an
show examples
uncured disease,
such
as cancer.
For instance
, the former Apple CEO Steven Jobs had a noticeable
success
in his career, with a lot of property, unfortunately, he passed by because of cancer.
Therefore
, having a healthy
life
is
also
important for
people
who
is
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are
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chasing
for
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apply
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success
.
In addition
, another measure of
success
is being happy. If a man is poor
,
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but happy with their
life
and their job,
then
there is no doubt that they are successful in
life
.
On the other hand
, possessing a large amount of
money
might be perceived as a symbol of
success
, which can be reflected
on
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in
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high quality
life
of
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apply
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and self-actualisation.
Firstly
, wealth provides
upper
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the upper
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class more access to high-level social resources,
such
as living
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in well-furnitured
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well-furnitured
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well-furniture
houses and driving sports cars.
Secondly
,
comparing
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compared
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with
lower
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the lower
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class, it is possible
to
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for
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the
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them
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reach to devote themselves to various dreams without
worry
Wrong verb form
worrying
show examples
about survival. In conclusion, the acquisition of large amounts of
money
can be perceived as successful in terms of material conditions.
However
, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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the achievement of other areas,
such
as harmonious
relationships
and good health, is absolutely more meaningful and successful for human beings.
Therefore
, in order to achieve
success
, it is recommended that
people
pay more attention to
relationships
and health.
Submitted by sucsuc1123 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly across paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure careful proofreading to correct minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance overall clarity.
task achievement
Expand on examples given, offering more detailed insights or statistics to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs detailing your views, and a concise conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt fully, presenting a balanced view on the importance of money in measuring success versus other factors.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the mention of business persons, Steve Jobs, and contrasting life situations, effectively support your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • success
  • financial wealth
  • measurement
  • achievements
  • entrepreneurs
  • personal fulfillment
  • philanthropy
  • accomplishments
  • well-being
  • material possessions
  • status symbol
  • indicators
  • self-actualization
  • monetary gains
  • non-materialistic
  • social impact
  • status
  • fulfillment
  • aspiration
  • well-off
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