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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is a common belief that there are many benefits to persuading teenagers to work
while
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 they are students.
However
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, there is a more persuasive argument that there are more drawbacks to making them find jobs because it has a negative effect on their academic success. Entry-level short-term jobs can teach them about the virtues required to succeed in the professional world.
In other words
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, they often require individuals to show up on time, complete tasks, and handle responsibilities independently. Learning to fulfil these duties builds a sense of responsibility, a crucial virtue in any professional setting.
For example
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, a part-time receptionist consistently demonstrates punctuality, efficiency, independence, and strong customer service skills, effectively managing patient check-ins, phone calls, and scheduling with professionalism and adaptability.
In contrast
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, working after school distracts them and often makes them weary .
Moreover
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, a responsible attitude not only ensures smooth operations but
also
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 showcases the reliability and professionalism of the employers.
For instance
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, learners may face collegiate challenges,
such
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 as struggling to meet assignment deadlines, engaging in classroom discussions, or performing well on exams, if they experience excessive fatigue or harassment from working after school. Temporary positions keep juveniles busy after school. By the time teenagers get home, they are too exhausted to concentrate on their studying.
As a result
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, their grades start slipping, and participants may find it hard to stay on top of their coursework.
To conclude
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,
whereas
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 there are perceived benefits to teenagers working when they're students, it's crucial to recognize the potential detrimental effects on their academic success, urging for a careful balance between work and studies.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a logical and balanced structure in the essay by clearly breaking down paragraphs for each point. This includes separating advantages and disadvantages into distinct sections.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to bolster the arguments made in the essay. This will provide a clearer and more concrete understanding of the points being addressed.
task achievement
Elaborate further on some points to make the argument stronger and more comprehensive. This will help in achieving a complete response to the essay question.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively encapsulate the main points.
task achievement
The argument is supported with real-life examples that, despite needing more specificity, provide a practical perspective to the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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