Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
In
this
day and age, celebrities
tend to receive higher incomes than government officials. This
essay will first examine the underlying reasons behind this
before concluding that, despite the aspiration of influencers
, this
trend is predominantly negative.
Higher incomes paid to celebrities
can attributed to two main reasons. Chief among these is the diverse and flexible sources of income available to influencers
. Unlike politicians, whose salaries are typically funded by tax revenues, celebrities
can participate in various activities, ranging from acting to venturing into business. IU, for example
, though debuted as a solo singer, she expanded her career into the film industry after gaining popularity, eventually becoming one of the highest-paying Korean idols. Additionally
, the amount of money paid to politicians is constrained by essential public services and social welfare, which is limits
their earning potential. Meanwhile, Change the verb form
limits
celebrities
’ incomes are mostly determined by market demand and the extent of their influence.
While
Correct word choice
Influencers
influencers
can provide benefits through their inspirational stories, which motivate young individuals to pursue their interests. I am convinced that it is riddled with a litany of problems. The primary concern revolves around its negative effects on young people. Some notorious public figures lack formal education and drop out of school at a young age. This
has adverse impacts on teens’ fragile mindset, causing them to overlook the importance of education one’s
success. Change preposition
in one’s
Conversely
, becoming a politician requires a rigorous academic background and qualifications. Though those individuals are responsible for governance and social welfare, their salaries are often less appealing compared to celebrities
. Thus
, the formation of misperceptions may lead students to undervalue the role of politicians and the government, instead
prioritising the pursuit of fame and wealth over meaningful contributions to society.
In conclusion, the variety of income sources offered to influencers
is more than government officials’ earnings. Despite certain benefits, I contend that this
is an overall
negative, as it may contribute to diminishing the importance of education and unconscious work decisions.Submitted by kkhanhnhitr0801 on
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task achievement
Your main ideas are well-supported with relevant examples. Consider elaborating further on some points for depth, especially when discussing the potential negative impacts on young people.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence. Try to use transitional phrases more effectively to link ideas together smoothly.
grammatical accuracy
Although your ideas are clearly presented, pay attention to small grammatical errors and word choices. Polishing these areas can make your writing more fluid and precise. Also, ensure that all sentences are completely clear and unambiguous.
task achievement
Your essay addresses all parts of the question comprehensively, providing a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are concise and effectively sum up the points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You provide specific and relevant examples, such as the case of IU, which strengthen your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.