IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #technology
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In modern days, the development of
technology
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 has changed human lives and become easier. Some
people
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 think that modern
technology
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 has made shopping today easier,
whereas
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 others believe
that is
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 untrue. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these opinions and draw some conclusions.
To begin
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 with, nowadays, the number of online shop's rapidly increased, because of the development of
technology
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. There are a large number of
people
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 who work a
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lot
Add the preposition
lot of
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time
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 per day,
therefore
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 they do not have
time
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 to shopping to collect food or purchase their daily use. If they have free
time
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, they will tend to hang out
their
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with their
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 friends or rest.
Therefore
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, online
shops
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 are very useful to the
people
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 I've mentioned above.
In addition
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, if
people
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 want to go shopping, it is adequate to touch
in
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apply
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their mobile phone or technical devices.
For instance
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, there are a
lot
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 of elders who can not go shopping.
Therefore
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, with the help of
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technology
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technology,
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 their children delivered useful items to their parents. It
is does
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does
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 not waste their
time
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 to go somewhere.
On the other hand
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, those who argue that modern
technology
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 has not made shopping today easier can not believe some online
shops
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 or delivery companies. There are a
lot
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 of online
shops
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 which have a delivery and require a
lot
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 of money to deliver and they spend too much
time
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 to deliver someone's items.
Furthermore
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, using
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a technology device
technology devices
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technology
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 devices may be hard
to
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for
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 them or some online
shops
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' produce delivered a fake one or that produces break down during the delivery.
To sum up
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, the modern
technology
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 has changed many routines of shopping. In my opinion,
technology
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's change is essential to shopping and
people
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 have to balance between online
shops
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 and shopping on their own.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Sentence Variety
Make sure to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability. Mixed sentence lengths and types can make your essay more engaging.
Lexical Resource
To further improve, try using a wide range of vocabulary specific to the topic without repeating the same words too often. This can demonstrate lexical resourcefulness.
Grammar
Check for grammatical accuracy and avoid common mistakes. Proper grammar use is crucial for higher scores.
Consistency
Be consistent with your viewpoint throughout the essay to maintain clarity in your argument. It helps the reader to follow your opinion more easily.
Task Response
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which meets the task requirements effectively.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly structured, making your position and summaries evident.
Supporting Examples
You effectively used examples to support your points, which helps in making your arguments stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
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