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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes
Beyond doubt, there have been many discussions revolving around the issue of whether some
people
 think community services which are without payment should
obligatory
Add a missing verb
be obligatory
show examples
imply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for college students. From my perspective, I highly support
this
 idea, and in the next paragraphs, I delve into the main reasons in their detail. To commence
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the first significant reason for my agreement
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 free compulsory courses which are fulfilled by community organizations take advantage of all countries in aspect of well-being. Namely, if these free courses are obligatory, many students may have the opportunity
for attending
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to attend
show examples
 to them. Particularly, these free programs can give a chance to gain accomplishment in the adolescent period which is described
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 most effective time for strong learning skills.
Hence
,
people
 can grow up with the
best talented
Add a hyphen
best-talented
show examples
 qualities
by
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through
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such
 compulsory free communities. To give an example, most
people
 gain pieces of knowledge
such
 as learning any language or playing any instrument by
such
 mandatory programs when they are
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 in some countries.
For
this
 reason, they almost have some skills when they were teenagers, and in turn, can improve them in their next period. One of another reasons for my agreement is that
people
 can discover their interests through compulsory free programs.
That is
, they can attend more than one different program for free.
Such
 a choice opportunity can provide understanding
their
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of their
show examples
 characteristics and their weakness or strengths.
Consequently
, all these can lead to correct selections for their future careers.
To conclude
, compulsory free courses done by community organizations benefit
due to
grow
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growing
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 up accomplished
people
as well as
 procures them to find out themselves
in
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apply
show examples
on time, which is important for them to guide them on their future paths.
Submitted by sabinanezar93 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for clarity and simplicity in your sentence structures to enhance understanding.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary for greater expression and to avoid repetition.
Task Response
Make sure to directly address the prompt in your introduction for a stronger, more direct start.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively covers the topic, presenting a clear position throughout.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to support your main points, enhancing your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical organization of paragraphs contributes to the clarity of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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