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Band 6.5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the changes. Others, however think that changes is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #lives #changes
There seems to be a lack of consensus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the way we live our lives.
While
 some
people
 argue that it is better to do the same activities and ignore drastic
changes
 in your routine, others, including myself, believe that
changes
 in
life
 always come with beneficial improvements. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both ideas in detail. There are reasons why some
people
 think that
change
 in
life
 is always beneficial.
Firstly
, sticking to a monotonous daily schedule can cause many mental problems for the individual. Some psychologists believe that
people
 with a sedentary lifestyle are more likely to suffer from depression than others.
Secondly
,
according to
 his opinion,
people
 who experience different situations and are ready for
change
 are more successful.
For example
, a person who has a disorganized occupation that does not match their interests finds themselves depriving themselves of other careers that would give them a sense of satisfaction.
On the other hand
, another group claims that incorporating new things into our daily routine would be problematic. They emphasize that if
people
 want to be on the safe side, they should avoid
change
. In
this
 regard, it is more likely that long-term employees receive promotions than workers who
change
 their occupations in a short period of time.
Moreover
, they know the feeling of peace in their monotonous
life
 rather than living in stressful situations and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 prefer not to be a risk taker. In conclusion, in my opinion, quality of
life
 is more valuable than lifespan.
Thus
,
while
 routines provide comfort, we cannot continue the steps to success and enjoy our lives without being open to
change
.Some
people
 prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the
changes
. Others,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 think that
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.
Submitted by hadvaniparth1 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to develop both sides of the argument equally to maintain balance in discussion essays.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas or phrases to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.
Language
Incorporate more varied and complex sentence structures to elevate your writing style.
Task Achievement
You introduced the topic effectively and provided a clear opinion in the introduction.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of transitions to connect ideas smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your opinion and the discussion points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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