IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishment for driving offences.To what extent do you agree/ disagree?

#safety #roads #punishment #offences
In recent years ,it has been reported that many deaths and injuries have been caused by negligence by
road
 users. and some believe the only way to improvise
such
 situations is
setting
Change preposition
by setting
show examples
 harsh rules and regulations for
road
 offenders. In my own opinion, l completely agree that the laying down of these measures is the best way to curb
such
 incidences and will be explained below. On the one hand , people do not like to cause accidents
nevertheless
 , situations are unpredictable
therefore
 mistakes will catch up with someone eventually.
For instance
, robots may not be working or pedestrians may not paying attention to what is happening around them.
For example
example
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
in Lublin , a lady was rushing to the university institute and she was hit by a car she did not notice that the traffic robots had changed to red. on the other hand , individuals turn to be reckless unfortunately when they are driving either a car or cycling
hence
 that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
 the rate of deaths
due to
 accidents is increasing day and night . some human beings are driving whilst they are
drugs
Change preposition
on drugs
show examples
 or they even race on the
road
 , especially teenagers.
for example
, it is said that Paul Walker was racing when he died .
Therefore
 ,if someone endangers others , he or she should be banned from driving
thus
 if they are drug , high or racing .
secondly
 , the fine should be increased
this
 will minimise the offences . In conclusion, punishment of banning and increasing fines should be implemented
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
road
 offenders,
this
 will improve
Correct article usage
the
show examples
safety
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since other individuals are reckless when using the
road
 .In my own opinion, it is best to punish the people
according to
 the level of the offence.
Submitted by teterayithelma on

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Coherence Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Don't hesitate to express your opinion more assertively. It's good to see your perspective, but be sure to support it with solid reasons and examples.
Task Achievement
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Language
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Task Achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments.
Coherence Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and help to frame your essay's argument.

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