IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishment for driving offences.To what extent do you agree/ disagree?

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In recent years ,it has been reported that many deaths and injuries have been caused by negligence by
road
Use synonyms
 users. and some believe the only way to improvise
such
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 situations is
setting
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by setting
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 harsh rules and regulations for
road
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 offenders. In my own opinion, l completely agree that the laying down of these measures is the best way to curb
such
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 incidences and will be explained below. On the one hand , people do not like to cause accidents
nevertheless
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 , situations are unpredictable
therefore
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 mistakes will catch up with someone eventually.
For instance
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, robots may not be working or pedestrians may not paying attention to what is happening around them.
For example
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example
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apply
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in Lublin , a lady was rushing to the university institute and she was hit by a car she did not notice that the traffic robots had changed to red. on the other hand , individuals turn to be reckless unfortunately when they are driving either a car or cycling
hence
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 that
why
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is why
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 the rate of deaths
due to
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 accidents is increasing day and night . some human beings are driving whilst they are
drugs
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on drugs
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 or they even race on the
road
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 , especially teenagers.
for example
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, it is said that Paul Walker was racing when he died .
Therefore
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 ,if someone endangers others , he or she should be banned from driving
thus
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 if they are drug , high or racing .
secondly
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 , the fine should be increased
this
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 will minimise the offences . In conclusion, punishment of banning and increasing fines should be implemented
to
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for
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road
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 offenders,
this
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 will improve
Correct article usage
the
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safety
to
Change preposition
of
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 the people
,
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apply
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since other individuals are reckless when using the
road
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 .In my own opinion, it is best to punish the people
according to
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 the level of the offence.

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Coherence Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Don't hesitate to express your opinion more assertively. It's good to see your perspective, but be sure to support it with solid reasons and examples.
Task Achievement
Be careful with repetition. Avoid using the same examples twice and make sure to diversify your arguments.
Language
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Correct use of punctuation can greatly improve the clarity of your sentences.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments.
Coherence Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and help to frame your essay's argument.
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