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Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #work #parks #gardens #city #center #apartment #buildings #commuters
Nowadays, there is an ongoing issue regarding the abolishment of public
parks
 for commuters. Some
people
 assert that the government has to remove the public
parks
 near the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of a city and
instead
 build public facilities to encourage employment or improve transport systems for commuters because sometimes the shared space for the community between the high-rise buildings interrupts workers' commute. They argue that making room for new workplaces or developing transport is more effective for commuting and it would be helpful to the socio-economy.
According to
 an announcement by the government, the number of
people
 using
parks
 is declining these days because of severe dust in the air.
Thus
, they argue it is better to establish new spaces for workers rather than disburse the expenditures for managing the
parks
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 presume that the
park
 should be remained for the local
people
. It is mainly because it is ideal for
people
 to enjoy their leisure time,
such
 as reading a book, playing badminton, and jogging with their pets. A number of children are used to come out to do outdoor activities with their friends or parents.
Moreover
, it is
also
 good for the workers to release their stress in the
park
 as it is close to
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. The
park
 needs to remain in our lives. It would be helpful not only to enjoy the natural habitat but
also
 to refresh
people
's minds in the hustle and bustle of life. In my opinion, the
park
 needs to remain in our lives. I believe that it would be helpful not only to enjoy the natural habitat but
also
 to refresh
people
's minds in the hustle and bustle of life.
Submitted by heoeunsae on

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Coherence and Cohesion
- Be careful with repetitiveness in your conclusion. It's better to summarize your argument in a fresh and concise way rather than repeating the same sentences.
Task Achievement
- Introduce more varied and specific examples to support your points. This will enrich your essay and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
- Strive for balance in discussing both views before stating your opinion. Ensure you explore the opposing argument with the same depth as your own viewpoint.
Introduction and Conclusion
You've successfully introduced and concluded your essay, creating a complete and structured response.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic, which is essential for task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
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