IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

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Looking at
a
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
Use synonyms
 hard to disagree that the popularity of being healthy and
in
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apply
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a good fit
are
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is
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 becoming more and more common.
Which
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This
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 being said, obviously, cannot be a negative factor. But what exactly
have
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has
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 changed, to make
people
Use synonyms
 believe that doing
exercises
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exercise
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 is better than smoking or eating
a junk food
Remove the article
junk food
a portion of junk food
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,
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apply
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 is
interesting
Add an article
an interesting
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 topic. Generally speaking,
people
Use synonyms
 have moved their perspective of
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 "cool".
For example
Linking Words
,
as
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when
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 I was in
a
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apply
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school, my classmates would call someone who drink alcohol or
smoking
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smokes
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cigarates
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cigarettes
 more
appeling
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appealing
 than someone who has
a restrictions
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restrictions
a restriction
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to
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on
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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destructive habits. Eventually,
much
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many
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 more
people
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 have
came
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come
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 to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that it was a mistake of their young age. The reason why, in my
openion
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opinion
, is
a
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the
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 growing popularity of
a
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apply
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social media platforms, where more and more famous
people
Use synonyms
 are
leaving
Verb problem
living
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 in a way to save their health and to improve their
look
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looks
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. In the first stage, it might sound weird, but I strongly believe that
the
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social media and the influence that comes from it have changed
peoples
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people's
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 thoughts about the outcomes
from
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of
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 being healthy. More and more
people
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wants
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want
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 to look as good as their
followed
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follower
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 model
or
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a famous actor, or even a blogger.Undoubtedly it's a great direction and we should support it in every possible way. In order to make it even more popular we should admit the power of
a
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apply
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social media,
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and futhermore
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futhermore
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further
 find a way to promote
people
Use synonyms
 who
is
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are
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 advertising the health and importance of
a
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apply
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exercising. It will eventually
leads
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lead
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 us to the world where
the
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apply
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alcohol, or other
desctructive
Correct your spelling
destructive
 products,
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
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 their popularity towards
a new and fresh ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
new and fresh ways
a new and fresh way
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 to find joy in our life. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 I am happy that
this
Linking Words
 is happening.

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Task Response
Consider restructuring your introduction to clearly state the reasons people are gravitating towards healthy lifestyles and how we can encourage others to follow suit. This will provide a clearer framework for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the flow and logical progression of your arguments. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
Task Response
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points more comprehensively. Mention real-life instances or statistics, which can lend credibility to your claims.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and a personal viewpoint, which is important for task engagement.
Task Achievement
You've identified social media as a significant factor influencing health trends, which is relevant and timely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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