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Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . Do you agree or disagree

#people #teenagers #community #work #time
Nowadays, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 plenty of community
work
 which is given to teenagers. It is argued that youth should
work
 in
this
 type of
work
 without getting any financial compensation. I strongly agree with
this
 position. The following paragraphs will support my point of view. To commence with, boys and girls in their adolescence have a huge energy, so they should spend it in a good way and to improve their personal skills and prepare themselves to be ready for future life which will require more experiences from them.
For instance
, In China, old
people
 ask
youthnees
Correct your spelling
youth needs
 to assist them in various works to progress their society and at the same time to educate them
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 skills
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 cooperation.
Further
 strengthening the view, young
people
 should know their duty toward their country as keep it
cleen
Correct your spelling
clean
 and try to develop it more and more.
In other words
, every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their town to create a better life for themselves and their families.
For example
, after the black days which happened in tornado Vit
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
occurred in Oman in 2017, we can note the importance of unpaid
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
work
. In that period, most teenagers came out to help
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bring the country back better than it was, they
also
 sought to help
people
 in damaged homes without waiting for others to ask them for that. Some
people
 may not agree with me, they think that youth
work
 hard when they get rewards
what
Change preposition
for what
show examples
 they are doing. To illustrate, teenagers will do better if the administrators award them money or gifts.
However
, if they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 get any payoff, they will not
work
 sincerely. In conclusion, I completely agree that young
people
 should share in unpaid
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
work
 in their free time. Despite that money is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 making
people
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 well
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they should do whatever they can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
for
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 country without
taking
Verb problem
paying
show examples
 fees
Submitted by hasnaalbrashdi on

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing your essay structure slightly by making sure each paragraph logically leads into the next, creating a more seamless narrative.
task achievement
Ensure you vary your vocabulary more to avoid repeating words and phrases. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a wider range of language.
coherence cohesion
Watch for minor grammatical errors that can slightly detract from the clarity of your message. Practicing more complex sentence structures with attention to their accuracy can improve your score.
task achievement
Consider providing more varied and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your case and make your essay more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing your argument and summarizing your points.
supported main points
You have successfully utilized examples to support your arguments, which helps to make your essay more compelling.
complete response
You've demonstrated a clear understanding of the task and provided a well-structured response that addresses all parts of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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