IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?

#school #children #food #cafeteria #buy #situations #schools
Food
 is the most essential thing to make a healthy body. Many
School
 children prefer to buy healthy
food
 from the
school
 cafeteria but others prefer unhealthy
food
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and why
school
 cafeterias need to stop being allowed to sell unhealthy
food
. The main benefit of consuming healthy
food
 rather than unhealthy is that healthy
food
 provides your body with proteins. healthy
food
 makes your body fit and fine. it gives you the energy to study all day.
this
 is the main key why
students
 buy healthy
food
however
, some other
students
 prefer to buy unhealthy
food
 because it looks good and compared to healthy
food
 it
also
 tastes good. that's why some children avoid buying healthy
food
.
Schools
 need to think more of their student rather than their cafeteria business.
Schools
 need to stop allowing unhealthy
food
 to be sold from cafeterias because consuming junk
food
 may cause many diseases
such
 as
food
 poisoning, and diarrhoea.
School
 is the main learning centre for children what they do, and what they study is becoming a habit of theirs that's why
Schools
 need to provide
students
 with a healthy environment. In
this
 essay, I argued that healthy
food
 provides greater benefits rather than unhealthy
food
. In my opinion,
Schools
 need to ban unhealthy
food
 and provide
students
 with a healthy environment.
Submitted by bibekluitel758 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentence Variety
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to make your essay more interesting and to demonstrate your linguistic range.
Evidence and Examples
Including more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments can help to make your points more convincing.
Structure and Clarity
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the topics that will be discussed, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and stance.
Grammar and Punctuation
Be more cautious with grammar and punctuation. Small errors can be overlooked, but consistent mistakes can affect the clarity of your writing.
Logical Structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure, clearly separating paragraphs for different ideas.
Introduction & Conclusion
You effectively provided an introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.
Task Achievement
You stayed on topic throughout the essay, directly addressing the task's questions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: