Spending on advanced computer systems by authorities is very beneficial for development but many oppose this trend. do you agree or disagree.
Majority
of Correct article usage
The majority
people
think the government
should waste their revenue on advanced technology
, but some people
have different
view. I agree with the first because more modern Add an article
a different
technology
of
countries, Change preposition
in
it
would bring them to the top of the world.
Admittedly, someone who Correct pronoun usage
apply
have
access to the newest computer and Change the verb form
has
lastest
system often Correct your spelling
latest
have
a significant benefit Correct subject-verb agreement
has
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
those
who do not. The price of Change preposition
to those
newest
component would be so expensive at the Add an article
the newest
a newest
begining
, but the benefits are worth it. Correct your spelling
beginning
Firstly
, that can connect people
around the nations and for some security reasons, the tools must stay up to date because there are many hackers that want to stole
the national Change the verb
steal
datas
.
Communication is Correct your spelling
data
the
important thing in our livesCorrect article usage
an
,
because as a human we need to socialize with each other. We often Remove the comma
apply
to
use Fix the infinitive
apply
laptop
or Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
phone
to make a call to others. They use signals that Fix the agreement mistake
phones
Add a missing verb
are spreaded
spreaded
by Correct your spelling
spread
tower
which only has 10 Add an article
a tower
the tower
kilometers
radius. Authorities need to install at least 10.000 towers in one country. Even though that would waste a billion dollars Change the spelling
kilometres
but
the Correct word choice
apply
government
it self
would Correct your spelling
itself
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
by
that movement. Change preposition
from
For example
, Ministry
of Information from Indonesia Correct article usage
the Ministry
have
Change the verb form
has
thousand
of tower Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
asset
that Fix the agreement mistake
assets
have
been Change the verb form
has
builded
since Correct your spelling
built
18th
century. The purpose is just to make Correct article usage
the 18th
easier
the information Correct word choice
apply
spreading
from one island to another.
Personal data Wrong verb form
spread
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
seems
not important for persons who do not care about their safety. Some Wrong verb form
seem
people
with a
IT Correct article usage
apply
technology
can stole
that and reap our money easily. Hackers used myriad newest Change the verb form
steal
computer
to pass the Fix the agreement mistake
computers
government
firewall. Thats
why Correct your spelling
That's
government
should bite the bullet to ensure the security of their datas
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
data
technology
can be a key to reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
world class
country. Even though that Add a hyphen
world-class
costly
Add a missing verb
is costly
but
spreading information is more important. Correct word choice
apply
Furthermore
, authorities need to make sure the personal data of their residents.Submitted by rifkiw1205 on
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Introduction & Thesis
Ensure your introduction more clearly states your position on the topic. A thesis statement would help clarify your stance.
Sentence Structure
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to improve the sophistication of your writing.
Accuracy & Specificity
Check the accuracy and specificity of historical and geographical references to strengthen your arguments.
Transitions & Flow
Establish clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
Grammar & Accuracy
Review and correct grammatical errors to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Use of Examples
You've effectively used examples to support your main points, illustrating the benefits of investing in technology.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's main points and reiterates your position, contributing to a well-rounded argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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