A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How migth these problems be reduced?

There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of the living standard and few
people
believe that the outskirt
areas
would get less benefit than
CBD
Correct article usage
the CBD
show examples
field.
This
essay will discuss the causes and find some solutions to tackle
this
issue.
To begin
with, there is no doubt that central where
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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most businesses are running could get more benefit from
rise
Add an article
a rise
the rise
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in the standard of living.
This
is because the
city
field
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
more facilities to support those businesses.
For instance
, there are more public transportation routes around the
city
than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
areas
due to
socialization needs.
Moreover
, the population of
people
around central
are
Wrong verb form
areas is
show examples
significantly higher than
countryside
Change preposition
in countryside
show examples
areas
, so most of the services would establish nearby consumers.
As a result
, we can find living life in the
city
is far more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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.
For example
, there
are
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is
show examples
numerous
Change the article
a numerous
the numerous
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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shopping
centers
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centres
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around the
city
,
In contrast
, there are just a few ones in the outskirt
areas
.
However
, there are some solutions to tackle
this
issue.
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should promote other lands as a business location
due to
spreading civilization to the countryside.
For instance
, reducing tax rates for some businesses in some locations can build up financial
also
labour needs in some locations.
In addition
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should considerably
improving
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improve
be improving
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more facilities in rural locations to spread the population from the
city
area
then
other services will be established
along with
people
.
To sum up
, it cannot be said that the standard of living in rural
areas
is less rising than in
city
areas
.
this
is because the population
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
and
also
demand for service are significantly difference, but, fortunately,
this
problem
seem
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seems
show examples
to be solved by support from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by v.mahatkomol on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Remember to use more specific examples to support your points, as this would enhance the quality and persuasiveness of your essay.
Language Use
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Grammar
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Vocabulary
To enhance clarity, aim to use more precise and varied terms, particularly when discussing abstract concepts.
Content
You've done a great job discussing both the causes and solutions to the issue.
Introduction
Your introduction sets up the topic effectively.
Conclusion
Including a conclusion sums up your argument well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disparity
  • socio-economic inequalities
  • urban migration
  • overpopulation
  • neglect
  • infrastructure
  • stifle
  • economic growth
  • agricultural production
  • food security
  • cultural erosion
  • rural development
  • sustainable agricultural practices
  • cultural preservation
  • foster
  • economic independence
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