IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. Is it a positive or negative development?

#parents #pressure #children #development
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It is prevalently witnessed that
parents
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 put too much
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
. In
this
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 sense, questions about whether
this
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 phenomenon is a positive
and
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or
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 negative development are raised. In my opinion, putting too much
pressure
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 on
children
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 from their
parents
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 to succeed brings a devastating blow to their
children
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. Irrefutably,
children
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 can be dependent on their
parents
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.
This
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 is because the
parents
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 provide all things related to their
children
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such
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 as making study plans, researching information about homework, and preparing daily meals.
This
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 obviously leads them to become passive and
this
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 in turn results in negative issues, including anxiety, depression, and loneliness without their
parents
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. What is more,
children
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 who are under too much
pressure
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 from their
parents
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 struggle with significant stress. In actual fact, studies undertaken by experts have revealed that plenty of
children
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 are forced to extremely long hours
study
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of study
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for
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to
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achiving
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a high-level performance by
parents
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 on a daily basis.
This
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,
therefore
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, brings about exhausted physical and mental status.
Nevertheless
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, appropriate pressures are significantly beneficial to
children
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.
In other words
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, since having a chance to think about success leads to making life goals, parental guidelines considerably support
children
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’s dreams and goals come true, so those are likely to strive to study for their objectives.
To conclude
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, appropriate pressures are significantly beneficial to
children
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 but
children
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 can be dependent on their
parents
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 and
children
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 struggle with significant stress.
Thus
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, putting too much
pressure
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 on
children
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 from their
parents
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 to succeed brings a devastating blow to their
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and discusses both sides of the argument, which is great. However, consider expanding on your examples and evidence to make your arguments more persuasive and detailed.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance your essay with a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex grammatical constructions to improve readability and engagement.
task achievement
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors - they can occasionally detract from the clarity of your arguments. Regular practice and proofreading can help minimize these.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively framed your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You did a good job of maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay, making your arguments easy to follow.
task achievement
Your main points were supported and relevant to the question, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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