Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. Is it a positive or negative development?
It is prevalently witnessed that
parents
put too much pressure
on their children
to success
.
In Replace the word
succeed
this
sense, questions about whether this
phenomenon is a positive and
negative development are raised. In my opinion, putting too much Correct word choice
or
pressure
on children
from their parents
to succeed brings a devastating blow to their children
.
Irrefutably, children
can be dependent on their parents
. This
is because the parents
provide all things related to their children
such
as making study plans, researching information about homework, and preparing daily meals. This
obviously leads them to become passive and this
in turn results in negative issues, including anxiety, depression, and loneliness without their parents
.
What is more, children
who are under too much pressure
from their parents
struggle with significant stress. In actual fact, studies undertaken by experts have revealed that plenty of children
are forced to extremely long hours study
Change preposition
of study
for
Change preposition
to
achiving
a high-level performance by Correct your spelling
achieve
parents
on a daily basis. This
, therefore
, brings about exhausted physical and mental status.
Nevertheless
, appropriate pressures are significantly beneficial to children
. In other words
, since having a chance to think about success leads to making life goals, parental guidelines considerably support children
’s dreams and goals come true, so those are likely to strive to study for their objectives.
To conclude
, appropriate pressures are significantly beneficial to children
but children
can be dependent on their parents
and children
struggle with significant stress. Thus
, putting too much pressure
on children
from their parents
to succeed brings a devastating blow to their children
.Submitted by subin12260 on
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Your essay presents a clear opinion and discusses both sides of the argument, which is great. However, consider expanding on your examples and evidence to make your arguments more persuasive and detailed.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance your essay with a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex grammatical constructions to improve readability and engagement.
task achievement
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors - they can occasionally detract from the clarity of your arguments. Regular practice and proofreading can help minimize these.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively framed your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You did a good job of maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay, making your arguments easy to follow.
task achievement
Your main points were supported and relevant to the question, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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