In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

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These days a number of people are facing problems with fat and gaining weight around the world. In the upcoming paragraph, I will discuss the cause of

this

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problem and its effects.

To begin

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with, eating junk and unhygienic foodstuff is the biggest route cause of obesity in

crowd

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the crowd

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as well as

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in children. To elaborate , there are numerous high-fat dishes available in the market which contain a lot of calories and after eating that kind of junky bread people become fat.

For example

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, if individuals go to restaurants they would prefer to eat pizza and

other fatty snack

Change the wording

another fatty snack

other fatty snacks

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rather than healthy and vegetable meals.

Moreover

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, pupils usually avoid exercise and manual activities

such

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as walking, cycling and outdoor games which

also

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help to get fat to the body.

Furthermore

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, there are various effects of eating unhealthy cuisine and ignoring physical performance.

Firstly

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, it affects

Correct article usage

the

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community's health and lifestyle which provides them with many diseases

such

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as coronary heart disease, liver failure and many more health issues.

Secondly

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, humans become lazy and tired.

Due to

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this

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, they lose their interest in exercise.

Overall

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, If folk will never quit eating junky food and never try to do physical exercise they would face health issues and get obese day by day.

Submitted by jeetsarb1481965 on Tue Apr 02 2024

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clarity & depth

In developing paragraphs about the causes and effects of obesity, ensure each cause and effect is clearly explored with specific examples. This adds depth and clarity to your essay.

sentence structure

Consider including a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay. For example, compound and complex sentences can help to convey relationships between ideas more effectively.

accuracy

Be mindful of using appropriate terms and phrases. Instead of 'route cause', the correct term is 'root cause'. Such inaccuracies can distract from the overall message.

structure

You have effectively provided an introduction, developed paragraphs for the causes and effects, and concluded your essay, which helps in maintaining a logical flow.

examples

You've included relevant examples to support your points, which is great for illustrating your arguments. Try to further elaborate on these examples to make your point stronger.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

210 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
sedentary
genetic predisposition
exacerbated
nutrient-deficient
caloric intake
socioeconomic factors
psychological factors
chronic diseases
discrimination
healthcare costs
stigma

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In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think robots are very important to humans' future development while others think they are dangerous and have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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