In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

In modern days, a small number of
children
to go classical
music
concerts or play classical
music
. That phenomenon is relating the new generation's
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behaviour and routine. In
this
essay, I will find
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
answer's question and dram conclusion.
To begin
with, many kids
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
not interested in classical
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that type of
music
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
boring to youngsters. Nowadays, the new generation's kids talk fast, play fast, and think fast
therefore
they want their
music
fast.
However
, the classical kind of
music
is really boring and the pace and rhythm , its many stops and starts, tempo, dynamic and mood changes.
In addition
, there are too many formal theories in classical
music
therefore
,
children
can not understand
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
this
is because the
music
industry has considerably changed , and people started to consume more rock, pop, and electronic
music
, which are widely promoted in the media, especially on TV and on the Internet.
Although
this
concerning trend has been affecting the whole world, young generations should definitely be encouraged to consume classical
music
.
This
is
due to
the positive impact that
such
music
style could
play
Verb problem
have
show examples
on their intellectual and social
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
.
Additionally
, it can
also
improve their social skills when communicating with elderlies, who usually are highly into
classical
Add an article
the classical
a classical
show examples
type of
music
, being able to share
this
common street.
Moreover
, if
children
encourage
Wrong verb form
are encouraged
show examples
to attend and learn more about classical
music
, they can inherit some cultures which contain
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classical
music
.
To sum up
, the lack of interest in classical
music
by the industry is leading young generations to stop its consumption.
However
, they should be motivated to consume it in order to develop social and intellectual skills.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent tense throughout your essay. This helps in maintaining clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your paragraph structures by starting with a topic sentence that clearly states the paragraph's main idea.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate your language ability.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address all parts of the task prompt in your introduction to clearly outline your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This can help strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
general
Check for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Although they don't severely impact your score, minimizing them can enhance the readability of your essay.
content
You effectively brought out why young people might not be interested in classical music, connecting it with the pace of their lives.
content
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and makes a compelling argument for why young people should be encouraged to engage with classical music.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: