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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

as computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree?

#computers #education #role #teachers #classroom
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There have been vast advances in technology in most aspects of people's lives,
specially
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especially
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 in the field of education.
Nowaday
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Nowadays
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, an increasing number of
students
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 rely on computers for research and to produce a perfect paper for school purposes. Others have decided to leave the original way of learning and to get knowledge through online courses. These changes in the learning process have brought a special concern regarding the possible decrease
of
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in
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importance
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the importance
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 of
teachers
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 in the
classroom
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. I totally disagree with
this
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 concern Some people believe the role of
teachers
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 started to fade because computers have been helping
students
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 to progress quicker in their studies
compare
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compared
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 with
original
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the original
an original
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classroom
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.
For example
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, in the same
classroom
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students
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 have different intellectual capacities,
thus
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, pupils who are more talented need to
adopt
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adapt
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 themselves
with
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to
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 the pace of their classmates who are not as gifted as them. These
students
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 might prefer using
computer
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a computer
the computer
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instead
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 of attending
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classroom
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the classroom
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 and learning from
teacher
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a teacher
the teacher
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.
However
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, we can not deny the necessity of the
teachers
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' presence for
students
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 because of the positive influences that human contact
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has
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have
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has
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 on them.
Firstly
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,
students
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 realize that they are not dealing with
machine
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a machine
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 but with a human being who deserves attention and respect.
Secondly
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, they learn the importance of studying in
group
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a group
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 and
respect
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respecting
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 other
students
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hich
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which
help
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helps
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 them to improve their social skills.
moreover
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,
teachers
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 are
essencial
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essential
 in the learning process because they acknowledge some student's deficiencies and help them to solve their problems by repeating the same
expelanation
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explanation
explanations
 over and over and
give
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giving
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 them
extra
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an extra
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example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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 and
excersises
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exercises
 or even suggesting a private tutor so,
students
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 have
better
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a better
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 chance to learn. In conclusion, the role of
teachers
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 in
learning
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the learning
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 process is still crucial and it will continue to be in the future. In fact, no machine can replace
the
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apply
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human interaction and
it's
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its
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 consequences.
Submitted by bryan.dasco on

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Language Accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay for small typographical errors such as 'Nowaday' which should be 'Nowadays', and 'expelanation' which should be 'explanation'.
Language Range
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary to make your argument more compelling and to showcase a wider range of language skills.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples to strengthen your argument. While you've mentioned how computers can lead to students progressing more quickly, elaborating on this with more specific examples or data could make your position more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, try to use a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences that clearly lead into each paragraph's main point.
Task Achievement
You have clearly stated your position and maintained it throughout the essay, providing a consistent argument against the claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, signaling to the reader what your position is and summarizing your main points well.
Task Achievement
You've provided relevant examples and explanations in support of your argument, such as the importance of human contact and the role teachers play in addressing individual student needs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital learning
  • Personalized guidance
  • Blended learning
  • Remote education
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Human interaction
  • Cultural dimension
  • Mentorship
  • Critical thinking
  • Educational technology
  • Learning outcomes
  • Role model
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