IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People sleeps less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effects does it have on individuals and on society?

#people #countries #effects #individuals #society
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Nowadays, decreasing quality time for energy recharging and relaxing on modern
people
Use synonyms
 is an alarming situation around the world.
This
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 essay will demonstrate about what are the reasons for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sleeping issues and how
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 directly
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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health
Use synonyms
as well as
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 society.
People
Use synonyms
 now tend to have less sleeping time and
this
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 is
due to
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 many reasons. The significant major causes of
this
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 problem are the pressures of modern life.
People
Use synonyms
 usually have a tendency to be caught in the worries concerning the future or regret concerning the past. When
people
Use synonyms
 are worried and under stress can be very difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep the whole night. Not only that, many studies have mentioned that using smartphones until late at night could be a distraction factor, which is the blue light from technological devices screens that causes difficulty falling asleep. The effects of
this
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 have been and will continue to be very serious.
Firstly
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, there has been a large increase in physical
health
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 including
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
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 and lowered vision even reducing memory ability. During sleep, the brain forms connections that help
people
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 process and remember new information. A lack of sleep can negatively impact both short and long-term memory. In terms of mental
health
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 problems, sleep deprivation may lead to
moody
Replace the word
moodiness
show examples
 and depression. To illustrate, when the average time for resting does not reach 8 hours a day, the hormonal system would be
imbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalanced
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due to
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 blocking hormone production. In conclusion, because of long working hours
as well as
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 many distractions,
people
Use synonyms
 are less well-sleeping than previous generations and
this
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 directly affects both individuals and the modern community not only physically but
also
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mental
Change the word
mentally
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health
Use synonyms
 around the world. Personally, I believe that
people
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 should take care more about their
health
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 in general and sleep
in particular
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, which are the most important for a happy life.
Submitted by dangtran862000 on

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structure
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity and effectiveness.
coherence
Incorporate a wider range of linking words to enhance the smooth flow of ideas.
support
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and presents a clear personal stance.
structure
You have a good overall structure, dividing your essay into clear paragraphs each addressing specific aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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