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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What are the effects of this?

#influence #beings #world #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #bio-diversity #effects
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Despite knowing about
biodiversity
’s importance for a long time, human activity has been causing massive extinctions of different
species
.
This
 essay will examine the main causes of
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of
biodiversity
 and provide feasible effects of
this
 problem. The two main causes of
species
 extinction are
change
Correct article usage
the change
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their habitats and
overexploitation
Correct article usage
the overexploitation
show examples
 of natural resources. When humans artificially transform the environment, they destroy vegetation and animals’ natural habitat.
For instance
, building new roads people involves cutting down
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trees
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cementing the soil and altering the environment and because of that a lot of
species
 are dying out.
Also
, when the activities connected with capturing and harvesting a natural resource are too intense in a particular area, the resource becomes exhausted.
For example
, too frequent fishing does not leave enough time for fish to reproduce and makes them disappear.
In other words
, human activities often deplete local flora and fauna and cause
loss
 of
bio-diversity
Correct your spelling
biodiversity
show examples
. The primary effects of
biodiversity
loss
 are
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
food
 supply and
loss
 of natural
services
.
Biodiversity
 provides a variety of foods for the planet and because of the availability of different
species
, humans are able to obtain a range of materials and foods to support their well-being and health. Meat from wild animals forms a critical contribution to
food
 sources in many different countries, especially those with high levels of poverty and
food
 insecurity. The Earth
also
 provides us with natural
services
 that we often take for granted which are usually described as Ecosystem
Services
. These include water, soil formation and protection, pollution breakdown and absorption, climate stability and recovery from natural disasters. With the
loss
 of
biodiversity
Add a comma
biodiversity,
show examples
 we have no access to these natural
services
.
For example
, many communities have experienced more natural disasters, but because of the
loss
 of mangroves and coral reefs, which are excellent natural buffers against floods and storms, coastal communities
have
Verb problem
suffer
show examples
 - from severe floods.
To conclude
, people’s activities that change the environment have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on the world's ecosystem and unfortunately, it can have dire consequences for humanity in terms of
food
 production and natural
services
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coherence cohesion
Continue to structure your essay with clear introductions and conclusions, as this greatly aids in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are well supported with relevant examples or evidence. This not only helps in making your argument more convincing but also improves coherence.
task achievement
Attempt to delve deeper into the specifics when providing examples. While the examples provided were relevant, further elaboration can enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Keep focusing on maintaining a logical flow between paragraphs and within the essay as a whole. This will keep the reader engaged and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion that aids in readability and understanding.
task achievement
Your main points are directly related to the question, clearly indicating a strong comprehension of the task at hand.
task achievement
The usage of examples, like the impact of road building on natural habitats and the importance of biodiversity in providing ecosystem services, strengthens your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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