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Band 5.5

in order to succeed, people require certain personality traits. what are these traits? what else is needed to succeed?

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There are a couple of fundamental characteristics which lead
people
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 to
finding
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find
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success
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 in
life
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 which can be noted as
responsibilty
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responsibility
along
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with
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apply
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determination.
However
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,
success
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also
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 requires a fair share of
luck
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 combined with some social networking. In terms of personality, if
one
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 is both responsible and
ambitous
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ambitious
,
thay
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they
 should be
albe
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able
 to reach triumph in
life
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.
In other words
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, a person who can manage themselves in
life
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 is often the same
one
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 who finds themselves in a position where
success
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 is around the corner
due to
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 how they present themselves in their affairs. Being determined,
on the other hand
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, is a passive skill which guides
people
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 towards their goals.
This
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 trait is
one
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whih
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that
 can be found in any successful individual, from Bill Gates to Elon Musk;
people
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 who have set their goals on a certain task,
accommplished
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accomplished
accomplish
 it and now their lives are in the history books. To be successful,
one
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 cannot rely solely on their character,
buts
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but
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also
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 on
life
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’s unfathomable
luck
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 and
people
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 they interact with. As for
a
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apply
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luck
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, a lot of
success
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 stories have a similar factor, simply being a the
right
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 place at the
right
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 time.
This
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 can be seen in a lot of movies, where the stories only make sense
where
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when
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one
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 small piece of
luck
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 enables the main character to find their dream.
Additionally
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, the
people
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 you
kno
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know
 can
also
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 influence greatly on where your
life
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 ends up. To illustrate, by knowing the
right
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 person,
befriending
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and befriending
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 them,
one
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 could gain a position in a company based on friendship alone, not necessarily requiring any skills
besides
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 their own
socail
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social
 ones. In conclusion, in order to find
success
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,
one
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 needs to take charge of their
life
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’s path, by not just waiting for lucky opportune moments, but
also
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 getting to know the
right
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people
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in
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on
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 their desired road to
success
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. If
one
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 desires
success
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,
one
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 must navigate
this
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 world with a clear goal.

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Grammar & Spelling
Ensure to proofread your work to correct minor spelling and grammar errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'responsibilty' should be 'responsibility', 'ambitous' should be 'ambitious', 'thay' should be 'they', 'whih' should be 'which', and 'buts also' should be 'but also'.
Coherence
To further improve coherence, try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use transitional phrases to better link ideas.
Detail & Examples
Expand on your examples by providing more concrete, real-life scenarios or historical examples to strengthen your arguments.
Content Nuance
Be cautious with overgeneralizations, especially when discussing success in relation to luck and social connections. While these points are valid, acknowledging variation in individual success stories can provide a more nuanced argument.
Structure
Effective use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to present and summarize the essay's main ideas.
Content Depth
You effectively brought out the importance of responsibility and determination as key personality traits for success.
Content Breadth
Good job incorporating elements outside of personal traits (luck, social networking) to discuss success, providing a comprehensive perspective.
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