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Band 5.5

in order to succeed, people require certain personality traits. what are these traits? what else is needed to succeed?

#people #personality #traits
There are a couple of fundamental characteristics which lead
people
 to
finding
Change the verb form
find
show examples
success
 in
life
 which can be noted as
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
along
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
determination.
However
,
success
also
 requires a fair share of
luck
 combined with some social networking. In terms of personality, if
one
 is both responsible and
ambitous
Correct your spelling
ambitious
,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 should be
albe
Correct your spelling
able
 to reach triumph in
life
.
In other words
, a person who can manage themselves in
life
 is often the same
one
 who finds themselves in a position where
success
 is around the corner
due to
 how they present themselves in their affairs. Being determined,
on the other hand
, is a passive skill which guides
people
 towards their goals.
This
 trait is
one
whih
Correct your spelling
that
 can be found in any successful individual, from Bill Gates to Elon Musk;
people
 who have set their goals on a certain task,
accommplished
Correct your spelling
accomplished
accomplish
 it and now their lives are in the history books. To be successful,
one
 cannot rely solely on their character,
buts
Replace the word
but
show examples
also
 on
life
’s unfathomable
luck
 and
people
 they interact with. As for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
luck
, a lot of
success
 stories have a similar factor, simply being a the
right
 place at the
right
 time.
This
 can be seen in a lot of movies, where the stories only make sense
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
one
 small piece of
luck
 enables the main character to find their dream.
Additionally
, the
people
 you
kno
Correct your spelling
know
 can
also
 influence greatly on where your
life
 ends up. To illustrate, by knowing the
right
 person,
befriending
Correct word choice
and befriending
show examples
 them,
one
 could gain a position in a company based on friendship alone, not necessarily requiring any skills
besides
 their own
socail
Correct your spelling
social
 ones. In conclusion, in order to find
success
,
one
 needs to take charge of their
life
’s path, by not just waiting for lucky opportune moments, but
also
 getting to know the
right
people
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their desired road to
success
. If
one
 desires
success
,
one
 must navigate
this
 world with a clear goal.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Grammar & Spelling
Ensure to proofread your work to correct minor spelling and grammar errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'responsibilty' should be 'responsibility', 'ambitous' should be 'ambitious', 'thay' should be 'they', 'whih' should be 'which', and 'buts also' should be 'but also'.
Coherence
To further improve coherence, try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use transitional phrases to better link ideas.
Detail & Examples
Expand on your examples by providing more concrete, real-life scenarios or historical examples to strengthen your arguments.
Content Nuance
Be cautious with overgeneralizations, especially when discussing success in relation to luck and social connections. While these points are valid, acknowledging variation in individual success stories can provide a more nuanced argument.
Structure
Effective use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to present and summarize the essay's main ideas.
Content Depth
You effectively brought out the importance of responsibility and determination as key personality traits for success.
Content Breadth
Good job incorporating elements outside of personal traits (luck, social networking) to discuss success, providing a comprehensive perspective.

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