IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In msny countries,people are now living longer than ever before,some people say an aging population creates problems for governments, other people think there are benefits if sociaty has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Recently, increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
Use synonyms
 around the
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
comperaed
Correct your spelling
compared
 to the past.The
people
Use synonyms
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
separated
 into two groups:some believe that
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a burden in the community
whereas
Linking Words
 others think there are advantages of growing of elderly.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the downsides of a large
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
ageing
population
Use synonyms
 outweigh the benefits.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with, as elderly always require
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special care
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from
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with
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from
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 care providers and many daily demands;
therefore
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, they
consider
Wrong verb form
are considered
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as
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apply
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a burden .
For example
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,if they have some diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes or hypertension
thus
Linking Words
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
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medication on time
in addition
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 to feeding well.
Body · 2
Another
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
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, the majority of
ageing
Add an article
an ageing
the ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 are not workers as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 not productive in the community.To illustrate,older
people
Use synonyms
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
show examples
 more dependent
for
Change preposition
on
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 living on their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 because they are not able to work.
Body · 3
On the other hand
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, the
solely
Change the adverb
sole
show examples
 advantage become from
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 is the
suffecient knolweldge
Correct your spelling
sufficient knowledge
 and experience in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life so they are good
advicerios
Correct your spelling
advocates
 and able to
giuding
Correct your spelling
guide
 their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the right way.
However
Linking Words
,I believe over the years the young generation will able to obtain of the same
experiencein
Correct your spelling
experience in
experience
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I support that
growing
Verb problem
the growth
show examples
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 in the
population
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several
disadvtages comperaed
Correct your spelling
disadvantages compared
 to
growing
Verb problem
the growth
show examples
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 they will be more productive and provide many benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.

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development
Try to expand your essay by including more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. This can help clarify your arguments and make them more persuasive.
language
Work on varying your sentence structures and using transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Doing so will enhance readability and coherence.
balance
Ensure you address both sides of the argument comprehensively. While you've mentioned advantages and disadvantages, dedicating a balanced discussion to each can further enrich your essay.
accuracy
Proofread your essay to catch and correct any spelling or grammatical errors. This will help in presenting your ideas more clearly and professionally.
balance
You have successfully identified and discussed both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which is essential for a balanced essay.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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