In msny countries,people are now living longer than ever before,some people say an aging population creates problems for governments, other people think there are benefits if sociaty has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Recently, increase
the
number of Change preposition
in the
the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
around the worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
comperaed
to the past.The Correct your spelling
compared
people
seperate
into two groups:some believe that Correct your spelling
separate
separated
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
population
as
a burden in the community Correct your spelling
is
whereas
others think there are advantages of growing of elderly.In
Change preposition
This
this
essay will argue that the downsides of a large number of
ageing Correct quantifier usage
apply
population
outweigh the benefits.
To begin
with, as elderly always require Correct article usage
apply
a
special care Correct article usage
apply
Change preposition
from
with
care providers and many daily demands;Change preposition
from
therefore
, they consider
Wrong verb form
are considered
Change preposition
apply
as
a burden .Change preposition
apply
For example
,if they have some diseases such
as diabetes or hypertension thus
require
to take Wrong verb form
required
a
medication on time Correct article usage
apply
in addition
to feeding well.
Another drawbacks
, the majority of Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
ageing
Add an article
an ageing
the ageing
population
are not workers as result
not productive in the community.To illustrate,older Correct article usage
a result
people
usually
more dependent Add a missing verb
are usually
for
living on their Change preposition
on
childern
because they are not able to work.
Correct your spelling
children
On the other hand
, the solely
advantage become from Change the adverb
sole
elderly
is the Correct article usage
the elderly
suffecient knolweldge
and experience in Correct your spelling
sufficient knowledge
the
life so they are good Correct article usage
apply
advicerios
and able to Correct your spelling
advocates
giuding
their Correct your spelling
guide
childern
Correct your spelling
children
to
the right way.Change preposition
in
However
,I believe over the years the young generation will able to obtain of the same experiencein
.
Correct your spelling
experience in
experience
To sum up
, I support that growing
of older Verb problem
the growth
people
in the population
have
several Correct subject-verb agreement
has
disadvtages comperaed
to Correct your spelling
disadvantages compared
growing
of young Verb problem
the growth
people
they will be more productive and provide many benefits to the
Correct article usage
apply
sociaty
.Correct your spelling
society
Submitted by jumanh114 on
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Try to expand your essay by including more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. This can help clarify your arguments and make them more persuasive.
language
Work on varying your sentence structures and using transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Doing so will enhance readability and coherence.
balance
Ensure you address both sides of the argument comprehensively. While you've mentioned advantages and disadvantages, dedicating a balanced discussion to each can further enrich your essay.
accuracy
Proofread your essay to catch and correct any spelling or grammatical errors. This will help in presenting your ideas more clearly and professionally.
balance
You have successfully identified and discussed both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which is essential for a balanced essay.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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