In many countries,people are now living longer than ever before,some people say an aging population creates problems for governments, other people think there are benefits if sociaty has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Recently, there has been an increase in the number of elderly
people
around the world compared to the past. The people
are separated into two groups:some believe that the aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
is a burden in the community, whereas
others think there are advantages to the growing elderly population
. This
essay will argue that the downsides of a large, aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
outweigh the benefits.
To begin
with, the elderly always require special care since they do not have the ability to do the daily tasks alone. For example
,if they have some diseases, such
as diabetes or hypertension, they are therefore
required to take medication on time in addition
to feeding well. Therefore
, they need to
a care provider because their children are workers and have a
busy Correct article usage
apply
life
, so they create a burden.
Another drawback is that the majority of the Fix the agreement mistake
lives
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
are not workers and, as a result
, are not productive in the community. To illustrate,older people
are usually more dependent on their children because they are not able to work, for example
, because of their physical health or a serious disease.
On the other hand
, the only advantage is that the elderly have sufficient knowledge and experience in life, so they are given good advice and guide their children in the right way. However
,I believe that over the years, the young generation will obtain the same experience.
To sum up
, I support the idea that the growth of older people
in the population
has several disadvantages compared to the increase in the number of young people
; they will be more creative and productive and provide many benefits to society.Submitted by jumanh114 on
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task achievement
Try to expand on the advantages of an ageing population more thoroughly to provide a balanced argument. This will enhance your essay's impartiality and depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you conclude paragraphs completely before moving onto a new thought. There are instances where your arguments seem cut short.
coherence cohesion
Consider the organization of your essay; introducing contrasting viewpoints in separate paragraphs can make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
Proofread to avoid incomplete sentences and to ensure your essay is concise and cohesive. For example, 'Therefore, they need to a care provider because their children are workers and have a busy life, so they create a burden.' could be more clearly expressed.
task achievement
You covered both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach for an IELTS essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state your viewpoint, providing a satisfactory framing of your essay.
task achievement
Use of real-world examples to support your points helps in making your argument persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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