Today more people put personal and private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development?
It is widely argued that old folks are alone and lack
of
health. There are a number of reasons behind Change preposition
apply
this
point of view and several solutions should Linking Words
be proposes
to change Change the verb form
be proposed
these problem
.
There are two primary reasons why old ages are lonely and less healthy. One reason is that those Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
people
have Use synonyms
not
relatives and children, they live Correct your spelling
no
in
a lonely life. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, they don’t have friends to talk Linking Words
and
take care Change preposition
to and
them
when they are sick, Change preposition
of them
gradually
they become weak and lack strength. Correct word choice
and gradually
For example
, a Linking Words
seventy-olds
person has a daughter who works far away from home, she can not come home the moment that her father Correct word choice
seventy-year-old
has
ill. Another reason is that the government does not build Verb problem
is
exercise
facilities for Use synonyms
people
, especially older Use synonyms
person
. Fix the agreement mistake
people
While
older folk need Linking Words
to
healthy training, Change preposition
apply
but
their country Correct word choice
apply
has
not Verb problem
does
Use synonyms
exercise
equipment.
Add a missing verb
have exercise
However
, Linking Words
measure
must be taken by governments and international bodies to change Fix the agreement mistake
measures
this
problem. Linking Words
Firstly
, they need to improve some areas for Linking Words
exercise
and health training, Use synonyms
such
as parks, Linking Words
squares
, …, Correct word choice
and squares
building
more Correct word choice
and building
exercise
machines for Use synonyms
area
crowded with elderly Fix the agreement mistake
areas
people
. Use synonyms
Secondly
, older Linking Words
people
who have Use synonyms
not
children should go to a nursing home to have more friends and care Correct your spelling
no
of
Change preposition
for
nurse
. Meanwhile, they will not feel lonely and tedious. The more loving life you are, the healthier you are.
In conclusion, many older Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
people
are alone and lack Use synonyms
of
health for various reasons. But we still have different measures to change and improve Change preposition
apply
this
problem.Linking Words
Submitted by lyhuongclc on
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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction accurately addresses the question prompt and establishes a clear stance on the topic. Your introduction seems off-topic.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. While you mentioned a scenario involving an elderly person, more detailed examples would make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity and flow.
task achievement
Ensure a clear connection between your solutions and the problems discussed. Highlight how each solution directly addresses a specific issue.
task achievement
You've offered some tangible solutions to the issue of loneliness and health in the elderly, which shows an attempt to fully respond to the task.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, reasons, solutions, and conclusion, aids in maintaining a logical flow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?