IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today more people put personal and private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development?

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It is widely argued that old folks are alone and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health. There are a number of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 point of view and several solutions should
be proposes
Change the verb form
be proposed
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 to change
these problem
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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. There are two primary reasons why old ages are lonely and less healthy. One reason is that those
people
Use synonyms
 have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 relatives and children, they live
in
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apply
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a lonely life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they don’t have friends to talk
and
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to and
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 take care
them
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of them
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 when they are sick,
gradually
Correct word choice
and gradually
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 they become weak and lack strength.
For example
Linking Words
, a
seventy-olds
Correct word choice
seventy-year-old
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 person has a daughter who works far away from home, she can not come home the moment that her father
has
Verb problem
is
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 ill. Another reason is that the government does not build
exercise
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 facilities for
people
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, especially older
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
While
Linking Words
 older folk need
to
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apply
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healthy training,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their country
has
Verb problem
does
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 not
Use synonyms
exercise
Add a missing verb
have exercise
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 equipment.
However
Linking Words
,
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 must be taken by governments and international bodies to change
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they need to improve some areas for
exercise
Use synonyms
 and health training,
such
Linking Words
 as parks,
squares
Correct word choice
and squares
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, …,
building
Correct word choice
and building
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 more
exercise
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 machines for
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 crowded with elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 who have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 children should go to a nursing home to have more friends and care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
. Meanwhile, they will not feel lonely and tedious. The more loving life you are, the healthier you are. In conclusion, many older
people
Use synonyms
 are alone and lack
of
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apply
show examples
health for various reasons. But we still have different measures to change and improve
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction accurately addresses the question prompt and establishes a clear stance on the topic. Your introduction seems off-topic.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. While you mentioned a scenario involving an elderly person, more detailed examples would make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity and flow.
task achievement
Ensure a clear connection between your solutions and the problems discussed. Highlight how each solution directly addresses a specific issue.
task achievement
You've offered some tangible solutions to the issue of loneliness and health in the elderly, which shows an attempt to fully respond to the task.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, reasons, solutions, and conclusion, aids in maintaining a logical flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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