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Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea while others disagree strongly with. Consider both sides of this debates and present your own idea. You should give reasons for your answer and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience

#people #gap #year #school #university #idea #debates
Some Individuals
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that a one-year
gap
 taken by high school
students
 before joining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Universities is
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 idea
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to keep
study
 continue without any
gap
. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with the former statement because
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
 helps
students
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
save money for
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
college and
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
other point
Change the wording
another point
other points
show examples
 of view,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 consistently helps people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
achieve their
career
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 in
shorter
Add an article
the shorter
a shorter
show examples
 time period. I will discuss both viewpoints in the following paragraph and state
my
Change the word
the
show examples
 reasons behind my opinion. On the one hand , it is thought that the
students
 who
keep
Verb problem
continue
show examples
 their
study continue
Wrong verb form
studies
show examples
 are more likely to achieve their
career
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 in
shorter
Add an article
a shorter
show examples
 period of time .
In other words
 , people who
take
Verb problem
are
show examples
admission
Replace the word
admitted
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college after completing high school
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more concentration and focus to complete
study
 faster in order to join their field of interest.
For example
 , most of the
students
 in India achieve their
career
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 at the age of 25 because they never take
break
Add an article
a break
show examples
 before going to
the Universities
Replace the word
university
show examples
,eventually ,
this
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
achieve
Change the verb form
achieving
show examples
 their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age .
However
 , I believe that
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
 after high school
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
 because it gives
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to make some savings for their
tutions
Correct your spelling
tuition
 and
study
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
.
On the other hand
 , the
students
 who take a one-year
gap
 are more like to be
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 because they save money for their higher studies .
In other words
 , nowadays , most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 are independent ,
therefore
, they do not like to ask
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 to pay their
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
 fees .
Therefore
 , they earn money to save for their fees
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
 break gives them
benefit
Correct article usage
the benefit
show examples
to
Change preposition
of studying
show examples
study
 without
taking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
any financial
stress
.
For example
, most of the
students
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada follow
this
 approach to save themselves from financial
stress
. I believe
this
 thought is
preferrable
Correct your spelling
preferable
show examples
 because it helps the
students
 to remain
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
 without any financial burden. In conclusion ,
although
 sending
students
 for higher
study
 without any
gap
 helps them to get close towards their
career
 goal, it
also
 gives them
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 burden at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 time,
therefore
 ,it is
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 idea to take a
gap
 so that they
remian
Correct your spelling
remain
 focus
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 without any
stress
.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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Introduction
Try to ensure your essay has a clear introductory statement that outlines the essay structure to better guide the reader.
Paragraph Development
Focus on developing each paragraph with a single clear idea, supported by examples or further explanation to enhance coherence.
Linking Words
Use a range of linking words and phrases to show the connection between your ideas more clearly, which will improve cohesion.
Sentence Variety
Work on varying your sentence structures to engage the reader more and to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Proofreading
Proofread your essay to correct minor mechanical errors (spelling, punctuation, etc.) to enhance its overall readability.
Balanced Argument
You've effectively addressed both sides of the argument, which fulfills the task requirement nicely.
Example Usage
You have provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and clearly states your standpoint, providing closure to the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • life experience
  • independent
  • practical skills
  • reflect
  • educational and career goals
  • academic environment
  • adjust to
  • disinterested
  • counterproductive
  • internships
  • volunteering
  • enrich
  • perspective
  • resume
  • economic considerations
  • financial constraints
  • privilege
  • personal growth
  • acquiring new skills
  • sense of direction
  • immensely beneficial
  • well-planned
  • aligned
  • future goals
What to do next:
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