IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Various
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 charge entry fees,
whereas
Linking Words
 some
offers
Change the verb form
offer
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free of cost
Add a hyphen
free-of-cost
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 visits. It is imperative to scrutinize the positive and negative aspects of
this
Linking Words
 payment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve into the depth and will present relevant reasons why
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of the admission fees
exceeds
Change the verb form
exceed
show examples
 the benefits.
To begin
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 with the main perks, it provides financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
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 to develop
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
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 and charging a minimal fee develops
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of responsibility
into
Change preposition
for
show examples
 visitors.
In other words
Linking Words
, the amount accumulated by the entry charges can help
government
Add an article
the government
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 to invest in museums,
Additionally
Linking Words
, preserving things in a
museum
Use synonyms
 demands money.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a person who has
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money to see the cultural monuments will be more responsible to see how not to harm things. On the downside, admission fees will refrain middle-class and lower-class
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 from visiting
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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. To explain, it will become difficult for families who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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interest
Add an article
an interest
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 in cultural privilege but do not have enough
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 to spend on extra activities like
this
Linking Words
;
consequently
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,
this
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 will lead to
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of inequality and negative feelings towards the governments.
Moreover
Linking Words
, schools will not arrange free visits for the students.
For example
Linking Words
, in
recent
Add an article
a recent
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 article from London stated that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 forty-five
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of children
adapts
Change the verb form
adapt
show examples
 cultural values by knowing history from a
museum
Use synonyms
. No
museum
Use synonyms
 visits will lead to no historical
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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 in sophomores.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 charging
entry
Correct article usage
an entry
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 fee has some advantages like financial support and
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
show examples
 sense of responsibility, it has several pitfalls
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 refraining some
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 from acquiring knowledge,
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of inequality and hate towards the legislation.
Submitted by patel2dhruvil202 on

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Task Achievement
It's beneficial to provide a more balanced analysis, discussing both sides of the argument equally before presenting your conclusion. This can enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure a variety of sentence structures and transitions to improve flow and readability. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, include more specific examples and statistics to support your points. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Task Achievement
You clearly state your opinion and provide a justified conclusion, which is excellent for Task Achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in readability and understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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