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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today's school should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #students #world
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It is believed that in
todays
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today's
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 rapidly changing world, the importance of teaching financial literacy in educational organisations cannot be overstated. I strongly agree with the given opinion, as students will learn how to be financially stable throughout their lives and make effective financial choices. First of all, individuals, who are aware of money management skills, tend to have less complexities with finances. Those lessons inform learners about saving, investing and budgeting, and the stated skills are essential in the modern world
,
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apply
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 since
people
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 with skills are more productive members of the workforce.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by providing all students, regardless of their
backgorund
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background
, with
acceess
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access
 to fiscal education, the number of financially excluded
people
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 can be reduced significantly.
Thus
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, the general economic situation in the world can be altered.
For instance
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,
people
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 in Canada, where those lessons are held, work and save their money better.
Additionally
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, financial literacy can foster
the
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a
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 culture of responsible and accountable
people
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. Most of the time, the absence of required knowledge causes debts and poverty.
For example
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, there are 600 million poor
people
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 around the planet and by incorporating wealth management lessons into
educational
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the educational
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 system governments can reduce
this
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 number by 200 million. By gaining needed information, the current generation will shape
more
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a more
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 sustainable society with
people
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 who make efficient economic decisions. Taking everything into account, the idea of integrating financial literacy into
educational
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the educational
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 curriculum ensures
more
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a more
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 stable society and increases
economic
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the economic
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 well-being of future generations.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary
Make sure to diversify your vocabulary to keep the essay engaging and to demonstrate a wide range of language skills.
Content
To improve clarity and impact, consider incorporating more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. This gives your essay more depth and persuasiveness.
Grammar
Watch out for minor spelling and grammar inaccuracies. While they're not detrimental, refining these errors can polish your essay and make your arguments clearer.
Introduction
You've effectively introduced the topic and stated your opinion, providing a clear structure from the start.
Structure
Your essay follows a logical structure, guiding the reader through your arguments cohesively.
Conclusion
The conclusion neatly wraps up the discourse, reinforcing your stance and summarizing key points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • modern economy
  • student debt
  • mitigate
  • practical financial skills
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • income inequality
  • psychological benefits
  • financial security
  • traditional education
  • financial independence
  • technology
  • personal finance management
  • global perspective
  • entrepreneurship
  • curriculum
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