Some children spend long hours each day on mobilephones.why is this? İs this a positibe or megatibe development?

#children #hours #mobilephones #i̇s #positibe #megatibe #development

Nowadays ,

increasing

Add an article

an increasing

show examples

number of

children

spend

majority

Add an article

the majority

a majority

show examples

of their

time

on their mobile

phones

.I think

main

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the main

show examples

reason for

that is

enjoyable

Correct article usage

the enjoyable

show examples

activities that today's Advanced

phones

can offer to

children

and in my point of view it is a negative development.

To begin

with

Add a comma

with,

show examples

why

this

is happening, it has several reasons. There are many online

games

and social platforms available on

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

.They look quite interesting and lure

children

to a lot

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

invaluable

time

Change preposition

show examples

these

games

and social platforms as much as possible.I think game developers

Change the verb form

are

show examples

so successful in drawing young

people

's attention to their products because

they

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

games

that they have developed have many entertaining sites.So,

children

tend to allocate as many hours as they can to play

such

attractive online

games

which can be considered as addiction in many young individuals.

Furthermore

, social media is another great contributor to

this

negative development.Since social platforms

designed

Add a missing verb

are designed

show examples

to make

people

more addictive

children

give their full focus to social media.

As a

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

people

cannot put their

phones

aside.

Although

mobile

phones

have many advantages, excessive usage of them can bring some drawbacks.

For example

,if

children

whose body parts are sensitive to

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

spend many hours on their smartphones without any break ,can damage their eyes and their ability to see

start

Correct subject-verb agreement

starts

show examples

to deteriorate.

This

deterioration can lead to serious problems in future life especially in education.

İn

Correct your spelling

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

many hours on

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

electronic devices reduce

children

's interaction with

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they lack some social abilities

such

as effective communication. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

in today's world young

people

a lot bulk of their

time

browsing on

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

and playing

games

. I once again feel that it is not a positive development and

time

spent on

phones

should be restricted by parents.İt can cause health issues related to

person's

Correct article usage

a person's

show examples

eyes and can deprive

children

of some rudimentary social skills

Submitted by Name_1234 on Wed Apr 03 2024

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task achievement

You’ve addressed the topic well but could enhance your essay by including more specific examples to support your arguments. Consider adding real-life instances or studies that demonstrate the negative effects of excessive mobile phone use on children.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea for better coherence.

task achievement

While you have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, refining the thesis statement in your introduction to more directly respond to the prompt could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

You've provided a well-structured argument discussing the negative aspects of children spending too much time on mobile phones.

task achievement

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and reiterates the importance of parental restrictions on phone use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children spend long hours each day on mobilephones.why is this? İs this a positibe or megatibe development?

Fully explain your ideas

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. write at least 250 words

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Agree or disagree.

The movement of people from agriculture areas to big cites has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons for this problem and how can it be solved.