Some children spend long hours each day on mobilephones.why is this? İs this a positibe or megatibe development?
Nowadays ,
increasing
number of Add an article
an increasing
children
spend majority
of their Add an article
the majority
a majority
time
on their mobile phones
.I think main
reason for Add an article
the main
that is
enjoyable
activities that today's Advanced Correct article usage
the enjoyable
phones
can offer to children
and in my point of view it is a negative development.
To begin
with
why Add a comma
with,
this
is happening, it has several reasons. There are many online games
and social platforms available on internet
.They look quite interesting and lure Add an article
the internet
children
to a lot their
invaluable Change preposition
of their
time
to
these Change preposition
on
games
and social platforms as much as possible.I think game developers is
so successful in drawing young Change the verb form
are
people
's attention to their products because they
Correct your spelling
the
games
that they have developed have many entertaining sites.So, children
tend to allocate as many hours as they can to play such
attractive online games
which can be considered as addiction in many young individuals.Furthermore
, social media is another great contributor to this
negative development.Since social platforms designed
to make Add a missing verb
are designed
people
more addictive children
give their full focus to social media.As a
result
Add a comma
result,
people
cannot put their phones
aside.
Although
mobile phones
have many advantages, excessive usage of them can bring some drawbacks.
For example
,if children
whose body parts are sensitive to effect
spend many hours on their smartphones without any break ,can damage their eyes and their ability to see Correct your spelling
affect
start
to deteriorate.Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
This
deterioration can lead to serious problems in future life especially in education. İn
Correct your spelling
In
addition
many hours on Add a comma
addition,
this
electronic devices reduce Correct determiner usage
these
children
's interaction with community
Add an article
the community
and
so Correct word choice
apply
that
they lack some social abilities Correct word choice
apply
such
as effective communication.
In conclusion
in today's world young Add a comma
conclusion,
people
a lot bulk of their time
browsing on internet
and playing Add an article
the internet
games
. I once again feel that it is not a positive development and time
spent on phones
should be restricted by parents.İt can cause health issues related to person's
eyes and can deprive Correct article usage
a person's
children
of some rudimentary social skillsSubmitted by Name_1234 on
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task achievement
You’ve addressed the topic well but could enhance your essay by including more specific examples to support your arguments. Consider adding real-life instances or studies that demonstrate the negative effects of excessive mobile phone use on children.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea for better coherence.
task achievement
While you have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, refining the thesis statement in your introduction to more directly respond to the prompt could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a well-structured argument discussing the negative aspects of children spending too much time on mobile phones.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and reiterates the importance of parental restrictions on phone use.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.