It is better to run your own business than to work for someone else. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

#business #work #someone #yo

Entrepernurs

Correct your spelling

Entrepreneurs

are arising in the upcoming years as small industries

raising

Verb problem

rise

show examples

with it. Some people believe that

its

Change the pronoun

show examples

is a good model to act as it provides freedom and

somethig

Correct your spelling

something

of your own.

However

, the risk factor is involved in the growth

veruses

Correct your spelling

viruses

Change the article

show examples

employee

multi-national

Add an article

a multi-national

the multi-national

show examples

company where

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

are given . In my

persespective

Correct your spelling

perspective

intrest

Correct your spelling

interest

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one well-being involving the factors can consider the suitable type. To commence with, Businesses

carries

Correct subject-verb agreement

carry

show examples

many factors which have prons and cons. it depends upon the

personaility

Correct your spelling

personality

of an individual which sector they

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to pursue their

carrer

Correct your spelling

career

in.

For instance

, being

Change the article

show examples

entrepernur

Correct your spelling

entrepreneur

gives the ability to

work

flexibile

Correct your spelling

flexible

timings

Replace the word

times

show examples

. In

additon

Correct your spelling

addition

this

while

runing

Correct your spelling

running

a own

buissness

Correct your spelling

business

a person starts taking

risk

Fix the agreement mistake

risks

show examples

which may result in a growth in income and investing time in developing your trade results secured future.

Moreover

its

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

provides freedom which is not accompanied

while

working for a company. As an

employee

one always has to follow the rules and regulations of that firm which bound

Change the article

show examples

employee

to fly

thier

Correct your spelling

their

wings.

Furthrermore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, another thing is if are person puts

hundered

Correct your spelling

hundred

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

, but an

employee

may not.

For instance

, one of my close

frend

Correct your spelling

friend

friends

kiran

Change the capitalization

Kiran

show examples

owns a

resturant

Correct your spelling

restaurant

on new year they were busy, but they were short staffed,

although

she was the owner of various

resturants

Correct your spelling

restaurants

, she did not

hesitated

Change the verb form

hesitate

show examples

to join the team and

mantained

Correct your spelling

maintained

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

productivity for their guests. Working in a big firm brings

employement

Correct your spelling

employment

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

as dental and health services.

Employee

only

Add a missing verb

are only

show examples

concerened

Correct your spelling

concerned

Change preposition

about

show examples

their job

Change preposition

during

show examples

working hours

whereas

buisness

Correct your spelling

business

tweenty four seven

Correct your spelling

twenty-four-seven

. Jobs

provides

Change the verb form

provide

show examples

you

Add the preposition

with a

show examples

promotion for better

work

Correct word choice

and enhances

show examples

enhances

Correct subject-verb agreement

enhance

show examples

positon

Correct your spelling

position

show examples

security. As employed you can ask for vacations without stressing about the

work load

Correct your spelling

workload

show examples

. It provides you

work life

Correct your spelling

with a work-life

show examples

balance and a dedicated time to spend with family. Not only

this

being employed, sick leaves are

also

covered.

For Instance

. my

collegue

Correct your spelling

colleague

was experiencing some health issues,

crtain

Correct your spelling

certain

days of her leave was paid by the company.

To Conclude

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, every person has different working

ethices

Correct your spelling

ethics

which results in

to choose

Change the verb form

choosing

show examples

their

carrer

Correct your spelling

career

carrier

. Business comes with high income

along with

great risk.

On the other hand

job

Correct article usage

a job

show examples

provides a

work life

Add a hyphen

work-life

show examples

balance under

rule

Fix the agreement mistake

rules

show examples

and regulations.

Submitted by harshitkaur321 on Wed Apr 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Clarity & Accuracy

Ensure to proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors as they can impede clarity.

Development & Support

While your essay tackles both sides of the argument, greater development of your ideas with more in-depth examples would enhance your argument's strength.

Introduction & Conclusion

A more precise and clear introduction and conclusion summarizing your stance would enhance the essay's effectiveness.

Balanced Viewpoint

You've tackled both perspectives (owning a business and working for someone else) which is commendable.

Use of Examples

Your inclusion of personal examples and hypothetical situations helps make your argument more relatable and realistic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
61Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

373 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

entrepreneurship
autonomy
flexibility
decision-making
learning curve
personal growth
potential
income
risk
challenge
ownership
security
benefits
employment
work-life balance

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It is better to run your own business than to work for someone else. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people feel this is a positive trend while some people feel this is leading to a negative consequences. Discuss both the side and give your opinion.

Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers. Some people think that it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat locally produced food. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Many goverments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Success is often measure by wealth and material belongings. Do yout hink wealth is the best measure of succes? what makes a successful person?

Some people believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?