In some parts of the world it is increasingly popular to research the history of one's own family. Why do people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, the analysis
in
the history of one’s own family Change preposition
of
are
becoming prevalent among several regions in the Change the verb form
is
worlds
. In Fix the agreement mistake
world
this
essay
I will outline some reasons for Add a comma
essay,
this
phenomenon and discuss both views of this
development.
There are some reasons why people
interested in discovering their family’s history. The most popular reason is that they are just curious about who their ancestors
were and what things they did for society. For instance
, it would be fascinating when find out a
general in Correct word choice
if a
army
was a member of their family. Correct article usage
the army
This
kind of information can make people
become proud of their origins. In addtion
, many Correct your spelling
addition
people
research about history of their family because this
activity would serve medical purposes, that
could give them a hand to be aware of diseases Correct pronoun usage
which
inherit
from their relatives.
Wrong verb form
inherited
This
tendency might be bring
benefits if your Change the verb form
bring
ancestors
were a good person. However
, it could be not necessary for people
as it could be a waste of time and money, even some informations
related to health care Change the wording
information
pieces of information
seem
not to be Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
advantages
. Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
Therefore
, they should focus more on some methods which could cure for
them. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, the data on their ancestors
might have negative
effect on their attitude in life. Take a person who Add an article
a negative
are
a criminal as an example, that would make their young generations can not be proud and lose their Change the verb form
is
confidences
.
In conclusion, the reasons Fix the agreement mistake
confidence
of
Change preposition
for
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
in
family histories Change preposition
on
such
as need
to know their Add an article
the need
ancestors
and serving for curing
some diseases. And in my perspective, I think it will be Change preposition
to cure
a
unfavourable development.Change the article
an
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Examples
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. Vague examples make your argument less persuasive.
Grammatical Accuracy
Be careful with spelling mistakes ('addtion' should be 'addition') and use punctuation appropriately to enhance readability.
Paragraph Development
Ensure paragraph consistency by focusing on one main idea per paragraph and expanding on it, instead of introducing multiple ideas with less development.
Structure
While your introduction and conclusion are clear, slight improvements could make them more engaging and concise, enhancing the overall structure.
Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear stance in the introduction, making your essay's direction clear from the start.
Understanding of Topic
You identified a range of reasons why people might be interested in researching their family history, showing an understanding of the topic.
Balanced Argument
The discussion on potential positive and negative outcomes of researching family history shows your ability to examine both sides of the issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite