In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?
Publicly smoking is
ban
in many countries as it is not legal. Wrong verb form
banned
This
essay completely agree
with Change the verb form
agrees
this
statement because publicly smoking effects
other Correct your spelling
affects
health
besides
the smoker
and children
may attract
Wrong verb form
be attracted
on
Change preposition
to
this
if adult people smoke
toward them.
Firstly
, smoking not only effect
a Correct your spelling
affect
smokers
Change noun form
smoker's
health
but also
other peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
besides
him. Though a smoker
affected
by many Add a missing verb
is affected
health
problems but
Remove the conjunction
apply
this
problem is as same as for other people indirectly. For example
, a general statement we always see that smoking is injuries to health
. It mainly damaged
the lungs especially Wrong verb form
damages
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
smokers
and Change noun form
smoker's
smokers'
a
Correct article usage
apply
children
's lung
. Fix the agreement mistake
lungs
Moreover
, if anyone smoke
toward other people though it is normal for a Change the verb form
smokes
smoker
and few
Correct article usage
a few
person
Change to a plural noun
people
but
it may Correct word choice
apply
disappointed
Change the verb form
be disappointed
disappoint
for
others and many Change preposition
apply
suffers
from Change the verb form
suffer
azma
, oxygen problems and other diseases.
Correct your spelling
asthma
Furthermore
, children
may attract
by a Wrong verb form
be attracted
smoker
to smoking. As everyone know
Change the verb form
knows
that
Correct word choice
apply
children
reveals
their curiosity Change the verb form
reveal
for
a thing very early and Change preposition
about
attract
soon. So , if anyone especially adults Wrong verb form
are attracted
smoke
in front of them , they may question about
it , they Change preposition
apply
being
Wrong verb form
are
intersted
Correct your spelling
interested
what
thing is Change preposition
in what
it
and Correct pronoun usage
apply
by
Change preposition
apply
this
smoking attracted
Wrong verb form
attracts
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
which does not give
Verb problem
have
good
impact Correct article usage
a good
in
Change preposition
on
our
next generation. Change the word
the
For example
, if parents smoke
toward
their baby , they learn it from their parents and compare it as a normal or good thing because Change preposition
apply
children
always follow their parents.
In conclusion, the decision compare
Wrong verb form
is compared
as
Change preposition
to
a
good and I agree with Remove the article
apply
this
because by ban publicly
smoking Wrong verb form
banning
children
do
not Verb problem
are
attract
Wrong verb form
attracted
in
it Change preposition
to
besides
smoking effects
everyone's Correct your spelling
affects
health
which is decreased now.Submitted by tanakchakma55 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Expression Clarity
Ensure clarity when expressing your main ideas. Choose simpler, clearer expressions to avoid confusion.
Avoid Repetition
Try to avoid repetition of ideas to keep your points compelling and fresh throughout the essay.
Vocabulary Range
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to more precisely and effectively convey your arguments.
Grammar
Review grammatical structures, particularly verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, to enhance the fluidity of your writing.
Organization
Consider organizing your essay with clear paragraph structures, including topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Logical Progression
To enhance the coherence of your writing, ensure logical progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
Clear Standpoint
You present a clear standpoint with coherent reasoning supporting the smoking ban in public places.
Effective Examples
Effective use of examples to illustrate your points, making your argument more persuasive.
Comprehensive Coverage
You effectively addressed both the health impacts and the influence on children, covering significant aspects of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!