IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your argument with examples and relevant evidence.

#country #technology #skills #life #support #argument #evidence
Nowadays, people live in a techno era which does not need the traditional ways to survive anymore. I strongly agree with
this
 statement and in
this
 essay, I will delve
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 behind my agreement.
To begin
 with, in
this
 contemporary time, some traditional
skills
 like
carfting
Correct your spelling
crafting
, hunting, horse riding and traditional cooking
are not match
Change the verb form
do not match
show examples
 with
this
 modern
contex
Correct your spelling
context
. To clarify, past habits and old
skills
 might seem
unusuall
Correct your spelling
unusual
 and
also
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 as an
obnormally
Correct your spelling
abnormally
.
For example
, hunting is illegal, challenging, tough and even a crime ,
while
 customers can buy meats and
chikens
Correct your spelling
chickens
chicken
 from a
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 with ease.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, people
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 allowed to pass
with
Change preposition
by
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 horses and
also
 old
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of vehicles in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 city, dangerous and
old fashion
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
show examples
. Needless to say, today's people have more facilities and services in order to prepare their first
priorites
Correct your spelling
priorities
priority
 like food and safety.
As a result
, generally, past
skills
 might not be useful and practical.
Moreover
, living in
this
 advanced technology age
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has a hectic lifestyle, need to
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 on the up to date
skills
.
For instance
, citizens may need to learn how
work
Add the particle
to work
show examples
 with AI and AT banks, more practical,
instead
 of learning how
craft
Add the particle
to craft
show examples
 a rope.
Thus
, the public
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and modern tools more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past commonly,
improving
Correct word choice
and improving
show examples
 new
skills
 is not an option anymore, but a necessity to keep living.
As a result
, it would
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
 to increase new
ablities
Correct your spelling
abilities
,
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 like being
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
faster and easier, and would be
accpetable
Correct your spelling
acceptable
 to replace old
unecessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
necessary
skills
 with advanced
ablities
Correct your spelling
abilities
. In conclusion, some argue that past learning
skills
 are pointless and out of rate. In my perspective, it may
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
 to neglect those, not matching with modern culture and
usuless
Correct your spelling
useless
, and learning some
advantegeous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 contemporary
skills
.
Submitted by mahdisonbolestan on

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Structure
Ensure a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
Support
Clarify your main ideas and support them with more specific examples and evidence.
Organization
Focus on paragraphing to improve readability and organization of ideas.
Accuracy
Proofread to correct small spelling or grammar inaccuracies, as these can slightly detract from the overall clarity.
Understanding
Engaged directly with the essay topic, demonstrating an understanding.
Examples
Provided clear examples to support your argument, although more specificity could enhance them.
Structure
Structured the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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