IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that exercise is the key to Good health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinions

#people #exercise #health #diet #side
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In the modern day, the number of
people's
Change noun form
people
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 getting diseases is increasing rapidly. There are those who argue that the solution to being good health is
an
Correct article usage
apply
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exercise,
while
 some
people
 say that the other way is more important as balancing diet. Both viewpoints will be examined throughout
this
 essay. Indeed, it is quite noticeable that having exercises could bring about numerous benefits. The first and the most obvious reason is the improving heartbeat,
due to
as
Correct word choice
apply
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 heart
is
Wrong verb form
being
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 a muscle.
Additionally
, if
people
 exercised in their own right, they would have a greater capacity for the movements of the muscles.
Due to
this
 reason that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 mentioned, in terms of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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 totally
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
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people
 whether sleeping or joint moving, these benefits lead
peoplem
Correct your spelling
people
 to prevent unexpected illnesses.
On the other hand
, it is better to have a balanced dietary intake than
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 for several issues. The initial matter to be mentioned
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the quantity of nutrients,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
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 numerous
people
 tend to consume more than they need.
According to
working-aholic
Correct your spelling
working-alcoholic
 habits,
this
 action impacts
people
's stress levels by eating much without consideration. So, controlling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption is less consequence than
people worked
Wrong verb form
working
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 out because some experts said that 70% of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 and 30% of going through exercises.
Hence
, the limitation of eating as
Correct word choice
many calorie
show examples
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
show examples
 restriction possible takes advantages as much as possible. In conclusion, both views have
obvious
Change the word
obviously
show examples
 different implications in terms of getting good healthcare outcomes. As a suggestion, the
health'
Change noun form
health
show examples
 experts and administration should cooperate to ensure the
people
 about how to get longer lives properly and better health outcomes for individuals.
Submitted by sasinipapj on

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Structure & Organization
Try to organize your arguments more clearly by using separate paragraphs for each viewpoint, ensuring a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each.
Content Detail
Include more specific examples to support your ideas, which will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Grammar
Pay attention to verb forms and sentence structure to improve the fluency of your writing. Review grammar rules and practice writing sentences in different tenses.
Conclusion
Consider revising the conclusion to more directly address your personal opinion on the topic, making a stronger closing statement.
Balanced Discussion
You've effectively discussed both viewpoints on the topic, providing a balanced discussion.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overview of the essay's content.
Vocabulary Range
You've demonstrated an ability to use a range of vocabulary appropriately, which makes your essay interesting to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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